#it didn’t notice in part cause it was having its own (platonic) relationship issues

[riseandfallofsecunit]

Secunit fully not noticing Tarik & Ratthi’s relationship until it’s ended </3

(for @bookgrotto )

[watatsumiis]

Reader With Anxiety (Part 1)

Reader is having anxiety. Characters comfort them in various in-character ways.

CW for general talk of anxiety and some of its symptoms. This is based on personal experience and can differ for others. Different techniques work for different people. This is a comfort fic, not an informational piece. A few mentions of certain characters having struggles of their own with anxiety.

Gender neutral reader, platonic relationships/fluff. 

Characters: Al Haitham, Ayato, Childe, Diluc, Itto, Zhongli

Al Haitham’s approach borders on clinical. Though he’s experienced anxiety in the past (both his own and his roommate’s), he struggles to empathise with your struggles and doesn’t really know how to approach you. He takes a little while to pick up on your tenseness, then even longer to act on it - he may come off as brash or dismissive at first when you try to explain what’s ailing you, but in reality he’s working through it in his brain, approaching it from every possible angle as he works to try and solve the intricate equation in the most efficient way. He tends to quash down his own worries instead of facing them, but he doesn’t want that for you - he also figures that pulling all-nighters and drinking wine like his roommate might not be very healthy, either, so he does his own research and pulls up a list of grounding techniques for you to try, and will calmly walk you through each one and take careful note of which ones make the most significant differences for you. He’s very calm and level headed throughout the whole ordeal, even if you are not, so his unshakeable attitude can do wonders to help soothe you as well. Once all is said and done, he may (almost meekly) approach you and ask how he did, how he can do better in future, what worked and what didn’t. It’s almost like he’s collecting results from an experiment. 

Ayato will basically try to find and eliminate whatever he thinks is the source of your worry. He’s a very straightforward man in that respect - he sees a problem, that problem requires a solution. Half of his job is making solutions, he figures it’s not exactly hard. He always thought he was quite good at talking Ayaka down when she was younger and fretted even more than she does now. So, in some cases, you may find that certain problems of yours seem to just… quietly fade into the background. Mora woes? He’ll just throw piles of money at the issue until it’s gone. You hate your job? Huh, it seems that one of your superiors has been fired and you’re first in line for a promotion. Funny, that. If, for whatever reasons, that doesn’t (or can’t) work, he’ll sit you down and try to talk you through it. He encourages you to talk about your anxieties, what you think is causing them, what has helped in the past, all those sorts of things. He turns almost uncharacteristically quiet and genuine during these conversations, sitting across from you and listening carefully as you talk. He still tries to do things to fix these problems unless you directly ask him not to though.

Childe gets ‘zoomies’ when he’s anxious, he gets jittery and jumpy and all over the place, so he expects you to be the exact same. He may take some time, but eventually he will notice that you’re acting fidgety or quiet, and his solution is to pretty much pull you into a large, open area and walk you through various fighting techniques or exercises. It can be really overwhelming, and he will back off if it seems like you aren’t coping with it, but sometimes working out that anxious energy is the perfect way to help. He acts so bright and cheery that it helps distract you. Sometimes, if he’s feeling particularly soft, he might allow you to get a few extra hits in or even knock him over just to see the way you brighten up and begin to regain your confidence. Failing that, he’ll cook you a really nice hearty meal and tell you about how his mother taught him that it’s “basically impossible to be anxious while eating.”

Diluc will essentially evacuate you from the situation - his decorum goes out the window when he notices you’re acting distressed. The way he sweeps you out of the room as he drapes his heavy jacket over your shoulders is almost like he’s shielding you from attackers. He’s had his fair share of anxiety attacks in the past and just does for you what he wishes someone would’ve done for him in his adolescence. He’ll find somewhere quiet for you to sit, make you a warm drink and stay nearby as you cool off. He won’t address it directly or ask you any questions, which can be a blessing or a curse depending on your preferences, but he’s still open to talking about it if it seems like that’s what you need. If you’re up for it, he may also assign you some meaningless busywork around the winery, something to keep your hands and mind busy so you don’t have time to dwell on whatever it is that’s ailing you. It’s always something extremely low pressure, such as watering houseplants or sorting papers. 

Itto is as lighthearted about this as he is with many things. It takes him quite a long time to notice that you’re feeling off - it’s not that he ignores the people around him, sometimes he’s just a bit of an airhead who struggles to perceive anything out of the scope of his own boisterous, joyous aura. Even once he’s noticed and started to address it, you suspect that it may have been Shinobu’s prompting that caused him to finally pick up on it. He acts sort of clumsy around you at first, uncharacteristically worried that you might be upset at him for whatever reason, or that he’s just making things worse, but that clears up pretty quickly as he convinces himself that you absolutely need him to swoop in and save you as soon as possible. He won’t directly confront you, but instead he turns the silly metre up to full blast, pulling all the goofs and gaffs that he knows have cheered you up in the past. He’s acting like a complete and utter fool, just in an attempt to try and distract you from whatever thoughts have you all wrapped up inside your own head. 

Zhongli realises practically the same moment you start acting off. He can be block-headed sometimes, but distress is something he’s taught himself to notice over the years. He’ll calmly pull you aside, being careful not to raise any suspicion or draw any attention, and will take both your shaking hands in his to steady them and ask you what’s wrong, what he can do to help. If you’re not sure, he’ll run you through various grounding techniques. His favourites are getting you to describe various things around you, or passing you some kind of trinket to look over to distract you while he tells you about it (oftentimes it's a piece of his jewellery or an interesting rock). Another one is that he gets you to talk about five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch/feel, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. He’s got a whole arsenal of soothing techniques up his sleeve and is great at keeping track of which ones work best for you. Sometimes, just hearing his calm, deep voice droning on about whatever subject he feels like sharing is more than enough to help distract and calm you down. 

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagiarise my writing! I do not consent for my works to be translated and posted elsewhere, or used to teach bots!

[bumbleklee]

how genshin characters would react to you have suicidal thoughts or self-harm thoughts

masterlist | 1k prompt masterlist | discord server

★ request for @ranbalsa <3 sorry this is so delayed, pls forgive me

★ content warning: this could be extremely triggering for some! there will be mentions of suicidal and self-harm thoughts as well as mentions of self-harm scars (national suicide prevention hotline: 800-273-8255)

★ characters included: beidou, fischl, lisa, jean, ningguang, kaeya, venti, albedo, zhongli, childe and diluc - these can be interpreted as platonic or romantic

beidou

if i had to choose one word to describe beidou, it would be caring

between the way people talk so highly about her in their voice lines to the little kids that like to play pirates and are always talking about how she gives them candy, it’s clear beidou is a very kindhearted person

so if you were having bad thoughts about hurting yourself, beidou would stop what she was doing and get you on her ship in no time

she figured that being out in the middle of the sea gave you no chance to actually hurt yourself + the waves and serenity were sure to calm you

she would spend the entire trip by your side, whispering how important you were to her and everyone back home and how foolish it would be if you took your own life

she would also get down to the root of the issue and try to give you as much advice as possible

beidou would finally sail back home once she decided you were stable again

fischl

i think fischl probably deals with some of these issues herself since her whole personality is based off a story book

but speaking of that, if you go to fischl in a state of panic i think she would sit you down on her bedroom floor and read you a book

her calming voice mixed with the distraction of a fairytale would help your breathing even out and you would ultimately forget about those thoughts you were having

if the story didnt help, then she would just talk to you about anything and everything

she might even invite bennett and razor over and four of you could make a little powow in her living room to make you feel better about yourself

lisa

even hearing you mention hurting yourself would send lisa into a “motherly mode” 

she may not seem like it, but she cared deeply for everyone in mondstadt and never wanted anyone to hurt like that - especially you

like fischl, lisa would probably try distracting you with a book

she would take you into the library and pick out some novels or stories that would take your mind off your previous thoughts

she would sit with you and when you were ready, talk to you about why you were feeling the way you were and what she could do to help

she’s a smart women and if there’s one thing she understands more than anything, its you

jean

she panics

not on purpose, of course. but if jean walks in you harming yourself or hears you say something worrying, she would panic

she was never good in situations like this, afraid she would say the wrong thing and upset you more

but at the end of the day, jean was jean and she always smacked some sense into herself to properly help you through this bump in the road

jean would get down to the root of your issue and work her way out from there

to help you feel better, jean would order a pizza and let you indulge in it with her and after that, she would listen to you vent about what was making you upset

jean is also good at passing off tasks she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle which means if jean thought she seriously couldn’t help you, she would get someone who could

your wellbeing is more important than her pride

ningguang

she wouldn’t understand at first

it would be a lie to say ningguang didn’t live in a fantasy bubble sometimes

she cared about you, yes, but never experienced your pain before and had trouble grasping it right away

but once she did, she was very attentive 

if you wanted medical help, ningguang would hire the best doctors in teyvat to help you through this

if you didn’t, then ningguang would do her very best to console you

she would try to distract you with lavish gifts and expensive dinners and while it was nice being spoiled by her, it didn’t make your problems go away

the last thing ningguang wanted was for you to hurt yourself so like jean, if she needed to bring in a professional to help, she would

kaeya

he would find out about your bad habit by walking in on you self harming

he was freaking out on the inside but stayed calm on the outside, coaxing you away from the blade and helping you clean up your wounds

you would be a nervous wreck for a while and kaeya would hold you in his arms

like jean, he would try and get to the root of the issue and find out why you were feelings these things

he loved you more than anything and he wouldn’t know what he would do if you succeeded in taking your own life one day

on that day onwards, kaeya was determined to make you happy again

he puts your needs before his and does everything in his power to make sure you’re always okay

and if you relapse, kaeya never gets mad. he understands this is a hard cycle to break but he’s determined to help you through it

venti

he might be more upset than you

venti treated you like the archon in the relationship and when you revealed to him you were having suicidal thoughts, his world came crashing down

he blamed himself for a while and drank a lot more at diluc’s tavern but after a stern warning from diluc, venti realized this was doing nothing for either of you

he spent his days with you, walking you around mondstadt and showing you beautiful flowers and cool bugs

his goal was to show you the beauty of the world and convince you that taking your own life would prevent you from experiencing more 

if you self harmed, venti would kiss your scars and make you bracelets made out of cecilia flowers to cover the marks

albedo

he would accidentally be insensitive, at least at first. your relationship was new to him and he was still trying to figure out all of his emotions so when you made a comment about suicide, he took it densely

he didn’t understand why someone would want to kill themselves and told you that exactly

it was only after sucrose snapped at him and explained how you were feeling that albedo screwed his head on right

after apologizing, he would try his best to help you

he would create new potions that might help with your depression or other mental disorders and document your moods and feelings to help him understand what you were going through

it was difficult and sucrose added in a lot of support as well

zhongli

he noticed your self harm scars the minute you two got close but being the respectful man he is, he never pointed them out

he let you come to him and explain them yourself

if you pick up self harming later in your relationship, zhongli is quick to notice and take action

as aggravating as it was, zhongli hid all sharp objects in your apartment and took charge if you needed any of them for something

he made you promise to go to him if you were having thoughts of hurting yourself again

zhongli would make you tea infused with herbs to help worries and bring you relaxation and (in small amounts) happiness

he would take walks with you around liyue if you were having urges and let you cry into his chest in frustration 

this was childe’s idea but if you needed to do something badly, zhongli would take you into an abandoned part of liyue and create fragile, thin rocks for you to smash onto the ground and satisfy that need

childe

having five siblings, he knew how to handle suicidal thoughts

his older sister went through a similar phase like you were now and childe would help you based on how he helped her

childe liked to wrap you in blankets so tightly you couldn’t move, the pressure calming you down and usually causing you to fall asleep

he gives you so, so, so many compliments during this time. he’s so proud of you and so in love with your strength

he wants you to stay with him forever so he’s determined to get these thoughts out of your head 

if you attempt, childe will not leave your side

he’ll stay with you throughout your infirmary visit and even when you’re discharged back home

he’s scared of loosing you

like ningguang, he’ll shower you in gifts to make you feel special 

diluc

like jean, he panics

he thinks it’s his fault somehow and you have to heartbreakingly explain that its not, that your brain is just wired differently 

diluc tries to keep you by his side at all times for a while

he takes you to work with him so you can sit at the bar or he’ll have you walk around with him through the grape vines in the evening

you wake up more often than not to his strong arms around you and as annoying at it is, it’s comforting to know someone loves you this much

he’s afraid of loosing you like he lost his father

diluc was good at shutting down rumors as well. if you had scars, people would talk and diluc would give them one nasty glare and they would shut up

at the end of the day, he just wanted you to be okay

[sidespart]

Mundane Mysticism

Fake fic meme

platonic or pre relationship LAMP + platonic (or romantic tbh) Demus, Fantasy AU, Circle of Magic (Tamora Pierce) AU

Universe primer for anyone who has not read the books:

Universe where some people are born with magic, with varying degrees of power. Some people get academic magic, where the magic comes from the person, and some get ambient magic, where the person can 'tap into' the magic of something in their surroundings, normally through performing a craft (eg cloth weaving, smithing etc).

Academic magic is much easier to see and children with magic are normally detected early and trained in how to control their powers. They can choose to study to be mages at universities/temples. it is more common and, in general, more powerful than ambient magic. Ambient magic is much harder to spot and can be harder to control, as practitioners are constantly bombarded by magical energy from their surroundings. it can 'get away' from the user and cause problems if they don't learn to control it. Normally taught via apprenticeship by another mage with the same craft.

Actual Story:

Roman (dancing magic), Logan (water magic) and Virgil (weather magic) are all kids with ambient magic who arn't discovered until they're much older (13+). None of them were aware they had magic and had just resigned themselves to being 'weird'.

inevitable tragic backstories:

Roman's family are nuovo-riche and have always been resentful of mages, who they think look down on normal people. They have a 'children should be seen and not heard' attitude and are basically waiting for Roman to be old enough to marry a suitable girl/ take over part of the family business before they will be interested in him. He is absolutely forbidden from singing and dancing/generally making a nuscience of himself, but he can't help but feel he gets good luck for the day whenever he's able to sneak off and dance...

Logan is a street kid with a reputation for always knowing which water pumps are working and safe to drink from. This is enough for one of the local gangs to take him in even though he's not strong and has bad eyesight, although he can see clearly when he looks at reflections in water. His whole gang end up being rounded up and arrested after robbing the wrong rich guys house, but Logan manages to escape through the sewers, ending up alone on the wrong side of the city....

Virgil is a noble and hears voices. His family care about him but are also terrified of anyone finding out that their heir is 'mad' so he is locked up in his room for most of his life. He was tested for magic as a little kid but they didn't find anything, they don't realise he's hearing voices on the wind. When Virgil was little he got incredibly angry with one of the servants, for reasons he now can't even remember, and said he hoped she would die. That evening, she was killed in a freak storm whilst walking home. Even though Virgil didn't know he had weather magic at the time, he still blamed himself and is absolutely terrified of storms as a result...

All three of them get found and rescued by Janus, an academic mage who specialises in 'finding hidden things' amongst other seer related skills, and brought to a temple to be trained. None of them can fit in with the other children (a mix of academic magic users and non magic kids who are training as adepts) so they're moved out of the dormitories and into a cottage on the temple grounds. Janus and Remus (a plant mage who is always covered in dirt) are the adults living there who become their main teachers.

Janus and Remus are trying their best but like....there is a REASON they haven't taken on apprentices before, let alone kids with as many issues as these three. And the kids do not get along. at all. Roman's too loud, Virgil's too quiet, Logan doesn't trust anyone. Things in the cottage are ~tense~

Patton is another kid adept in training who is being raised at the temple. Whilst there, it's discovered that he also has ambient magic - in cooking. This is a much more common, mundane form of magic than the overpowered, rare magics that the other three have. But it does mean he gets extra 'lessons' in the temple kitchens at odd hours, and ends up meeting and bonding with the other three separately.

Roman's terrified of messing up in front of adults and acts loud and obnoxious in his efforts to be 'perfect' (or at least better than the other two) (even though he can't sit still and meditate AT ALL and he knows that drives Janus crazy and he's totally going to kick him out and send him back home to his parents and and and- ) but Patton is just another kid, and Roman can sneak off at lunch break to meet him and just play and dance silly jigs without worrying about it being perfect. And Patton will always clap and whoop and reward him with home made toffees (his parents never allowed sweets) which give him this like. confident feeling he's never had before.

Logan meets Patton whilst trying to steal extra food at night. Logan doesn't trust adults At All and finds all the rules and regs of temple life baffling, but Patton makes sense to him - Logan needs extra food and Patton needs protection from bullies in his dorm. It's a good trade, even if Logan gets in trouble for 'accidentally' soaking some snooty adepts on their way back from the library. Patton gives Logan biscuits which never go stale, even if he hoards them in his room for weeks, and starts teaching him to read in exchange for stories of life outside the temple. He also accidently gets Logan addicted to jam.

Virgil absolutely hates leaving his room but R&J give him one chore which forces him to go outside: collecting breakfast from the kitchens in the morning. Patton notices Virgil looks terrified of entering the busy kitchen, so he starts meeting him outside with a basket of food. Eventually Vigril's starts coming earlier and earlier so he can stand and chat with Patton for longer before he goes back. he doesn't really get WHY Patton likes him but the morning conversations quickly become the highlight of the day. Patton brews him his own bled of tea which gives him this feeling of calm, even during a storm.

ANYWAY. Eventually SOMETHING happens which puts Patton in danger (i'm thinking....Pirates? Fire in the Kitchen? Bears? idk) The other three have to work together to rescue him and end up finally bonding as a result. After that they start hanging out as a four whenever they can. At some point Janus starts inviting Patton along to their group teaching sessions since he's a good influence on the other three and then he starts staying for breakfast/ lunch / dinner until one day Janus looks at Remus and is all "...do we have a fourth child living in this cottage?" And Remus just sighs at him like. Honey. You're meant to be this all powerful seer how did you not notice we essentially adopted this kid three seconds after he tasting that soup he made. And Janus grumbles but like. He loves these kids he wants them to be happy and Patton is TECHNICALY in need of a teacher too, even if he's got way more control of his powers having grown up in a temple, he is still a kid, so its not totally unreasonable he should move into the cottage.

And it was really good soup.

Story about the Power of Friendship And Also Home Cooking

[yeetwinchester2]

The Son He Never Got...

Pairing: Steve Rogers x daughter!reader, Bucky Barnes x Rogers!reader (platonic), Peter is there but no real relationship between the reader and him.

Warnings: abandonment-ish??, ✨daddy issues✨, angst, more angst, thoughts of not being good enough, blah blah blah, I think you get it. steve's not really the good guy here. Bucky fluff

Requested: yes/no "Prompts 1, 2, 13 and 14 with Steve Rogers x daughter!reader" #1: "Why would you do that?” #2: “I can’t believe it...” #13: “I hate you.” #14: “Go to Hell.” I don't think I included all of the quotes that were requested... but they'll be there in the next part or two.

Summary: When a boy named Peter Parker shows up as a new recruit, Steve starts spending more time with him. The reader notices, but Steve doesn’t. Bucky is helpful :)

A/N: Thank you for the request!! This is (maybe) the second request that I’ve actually completed :) I hope it's alright!!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

Turning off your alarm, you get out of bed and get dressed for school. Today you were supposed to have a father-daughter date with your dad after school. You decided to wear a plain black flowy shirt, a pair of skinny jeans, and your white Doc Martens.

Throwing you backpack over your shoulder, you head down to the kitchen to get some breakfast and tell everyone good morning before you leave for school. "Mornin' everybody! Hey, dad. Did you pick out where we're going today?" you say with a toothy smile.

"Hey, sweetheart. What're we going out for, again?" he sounded confused, but you just ignored it.

"For our father-daughter date, dummy." you said, jokingly punching his arm. Not that it'd hurt him. He's a super soldier for crying out loud.

"Oh, yeah. About that... We're gonna have to reschedule our dinner tonight, hun. We can do it another night. The team and I are going to meet the new recruit tonight. You should meet him too!" he was rubbing the back of his neck, hoping that you wouldn't be too upset.

"But we've always had our dates on the first Friday of every month. We can't just skip this month!" He's not seriously going to reschedule dinner because of a new recruit... he wouldn't do that to you, right?

"I know, I know. Can we please just have dinner another night? This new recruit could be some serious help for the team."

"Yeah, okay. Whatever. I've got to get to school. I'll see ya when I get back." He's seriously gonna choose the recruit over me, his own daughter? No, maybe it's just more important than I realize.

---------------

"Y/n, its probably nothing. Maybe he just needs to talk to some new people. Being stuck in ice for 70 years and all, he doesn't have many friends," your friend, Milo, tries to reason.

"The recruit is my age. He's a highs schooler. My dad isn't gonna make friends with some high schooler. I don't know. I guess we'll just wait and see." It's nothing, he needs to get to know the recruit anyways...

---------------

After a long and tiring day at school, you get home to see you dad and the new recruit going over what you're guessing is paper work.

"Hey, dad. Hey, new recruit. It's nice to meet you, I'm y/n." you say, holding a hand out for him to shake.

"I'm Parker Peter. I-i-i mean, Peter Parker." he says with a wide smile. You can see his cheeks become a little more red.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Peter. How long do you think you'll be staying tonight? I can't have you stealing my dad from me already!" you say, jokingly. The three of you let out a short laugh.

"I'm not sure. I guess I'll leave once I've gotten the tour and we've gone through all of the paper work." Peter says. Why does he need a tour? He's only here to train, right?

"Sounds good! I'll be in my room if y'all need anything." you say, adding a fake smile. Turning around, you head to your room. The rest of the night, you do nothing but homework, completely forgetting about Peter.

---------------

The next few days consisted of the same exact thing. You'd eat breakfast, go to school, come home and greet your dad and Peter, and go do homework. Had your dad asked you how your day was during the few days? Not once. Had he asked Peter how his day was? Yep. Did your dad ask if you needed help with homework? Nope. Did he ask Peter? Of course he did. Every day. I can't believe it... Is my dad replacing me with Peter? No, he's just helping him out, right? Right.

The next day was Wednesday, which meant you got to workout with your dad and Peter. 'Oh boy. I get to train with two abnormally strong superheros. Yay.' you thought sarcasticly. You went about your day as you usually do. On the way home from school, you texted your dad to let him know you might be a little late because of traffic. You When you got home, you changed into workout leggings and a sports bra, and headed to the gym where you usually meet your dad for workouts. You then realized that your dad hadn't texted you back. When you walk into the gym, you figured out why. Him and Peter were already halfway through the workout that y'all were supposed to be doing together.

At this point, you're starting to realize that your dad is actually replacing you with Peter. Peter's like the son he never got. He's been pushing you and the plans you've made to the side. He's been making Peter his priority.

Walking up to the two sweaty guys, tapping them on the shoulders to get their attention. "Peter, I hate you. No offense though. It's not your fault. Dad, can I talk to you? In private, please?" You do hate Peter, but not because he did anything wrong. He didn't. He's a real good kid. But he's you dad's favorite now. He replaced you, but he didn't know it. So, by default, you hate Peter.

"Hey! Don't talk to Peter like that! He didn't do anything wrong. You can't just walk in here and tell him you hate him. That's not how it works," he practically yells. Your dad never yells at you. The harsh reaction cause tears to swell up in your eyes.

"Dad. I need to talk to you. In private. Away from Peter."

"It can wait. Let us finish what we were doing. Then, we can talk. Got it?" he said sternly.

"Yes sir." you say, holding back tears that you knew would fall as soon as you turn around. And you were right. As soon as you turned around to go to your room, the tears fell, and they wouldn't stop. It only got worse when you got to your room. Forgetting to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to soundproof your room, you continue sobbing, yelling every now and again. Bucky, in the room next to yours, heard your crying.

Bucky was always there for you. He had been since the day he met you. His face when he found out Steve, THE Steven Grant Rogers, had a daughter. You and him have been close ever since. He's more like a best friend than an uncle if you're being honest. You go to him for everything. Well, almost anything. You hadn't told him about what was going on with you and your dad. You knew he'd be pissed about how your dad was treating you and go argue with him about it. You didn't want to make a big deal of it or anything at first, in case it was nothing.

Bucky, hearing you crying, run out of his room and to your door, softly knocking on it. "Y/n? Hun? Can you please let me in? It's Bucky."

You slowly stand up and walk towards the door, opening it. Looking up at him, with red eyes and mascara running down your checks, you move back to the bed. Bucky closes the door and sits next to you. "You wanna talk about it?" That's always the first question either if you ask when one of you is in this kinda situation.

"I don't know. I don't know, Buck." You lean into his shoulder, crying again.

"That's okay. Take your time, y/n/n. I'll be right back." he says, standing up from the bed. You see him walk into your bathroom, knowing exactly what he's doing. The two of you have a good routine for these kinda nights. It's usually always the same, but it works. When you're crying like you are now, you get horrible headaches. So, Bucky will always get you some ibuprofen and water to help. When he gets back from the bathroom, he hands you a two small pills and a glass a water. Without a second thought, you swallow the pills and some of the water. You thank him and set the glass on your nightstand. Pulling the covers up over your shoulders, you lay back down.

"Thank you.."

"Mhm. Are you gonna sleep first? Or talk? You know we're gonna talk about it at some point."

"I know, I know. Can I sleep right now? We can talk about it another time. I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, of course. But you're not getting out of it, and I'm not giving you the whole 'Its not healthy to keep it all in' lecture. You've heard it enough, so have I."

"Thanks. Mucho appreciated, old man."

"No problem, kiddo. Get some rest, we'll talk tomorrow. 'Night, sweetheart."

"Night, Buck."

---------------

A/N: Cool. This is part one of this. Yes, I will (eventually) finish part two of Excuses. I have no idea when, but eventually. Same goes for part two of this one. But I really like this first part, so I think it'll continue. Thoughts? I hope y'all like it :))

[iamtheblondestblonde]

Temptation

AN: I... I don’t even know what to say except for I’m so sorry? We had some tech issues at work today and I had this idea while I waited and it didn’t fit with Slides so here’s some plot with porn at the end with Mat? I wrote this in first person narrative but there’s no name or description in it. Also this is my first time writing anything like this and I didn’t spend much time proof-reading so please don’t judge too harshly

AN 2: I wrote a sequel called No Control and you can find it here so please check it out!!

Word count: 7.4k (things escalated what can I say..)

Warnings: cursing and smut, like really explicit content

He was only wearing a towel. Again. Seeing him walking around in nothing but shorts was already bad enough but this was on a whole other level.

When Mat had first invited me to come with him to his lake house by Vancouver to wait this mess out I had been thrilled. Fancy lake house overlooking the water with my best friend definitely sounded better than stuffy Brooklyn apartment in a city crammed with thousands of people infected.

Thankfully my online classes made the journey across the country possible and I only had to fly back for a short while to take my final exams. This wasn’t really how I envisioned my summer after graduating college but it could be worse I guess.

As I took a look at him all glistening wet from his shower on his way over to me by the kitchen island, I felt like I was trapped in an episode of temptation island or something like that.

Neither of us had expected this lockdown to last this long and almost two months of being holed up together was starting to take its toll. I’d known for a fact that I’d go batshit crazy if I were to stay with my own family or my crazy roommate though so his offer had truly been godsend. With the fancy club I usually waitressed at closed there was no way I’d be able to pay for my rent either, so I’d given my landlord my notice, put everything that I wouldn’t take with me in storage and followed Mat across the country.

His family was supposed to be up here with us and that way I’d have his sister as a distraction, but they’d decided to stay in the city, meaning it was only Mat and I. And my sexual frustration.

It didn’t help that my quarantine buddy looked like a fucking Greek god either. Any nun would probably go for him as well, frustrated or not. And I was definitely not a nun.

“Do you want to go paddle boarding after breakfast? The water shouldn’t be too cold today with the sun out.”

I looked out through the large floor to ceiling windows at Mat’s question, I’d been so distracted by him running around practically naked that I hadn’t even noticed that for the first time in three days there were almost no clouds visible. With May well underway British Columbia was apparently finally getting ready for summer.

“Yeah let’s do it. I still have to respond to a couple of emails before we leave tho.”

He took a look over my shoulder at my laptop, water droplets from his hair falling down my neck making me squirm.

“You’re getting me all wet”, I huffed before giving him a shove. Not thinking about the way his muscular shoulders felt underneath my fingers at all. Definitely not thinking about that. Nope.

“You’re the first girl I’ve ever heard complain about that you know?” He winked at me before throwing his head back in laughter as I flipped him off. The flirty banter that had been going on between us ever since we met almost two years ago wasn’t really helping my case either.

I was convinced the only reason why we hadn’t hooked up yet was terrible timing. We’d met at a time when both of us were seeing others and by the time we both were single again the previous months of platonic friendship had set our relationship in stone, never allowing for anything more than playful flirting and teasing. I’d thought about it for a couple of times, because honestly who wouldn’t with the way he looked?

Mat filled a cup with coffee and grabbed some of the breakfast I’d prepared before pulling out the chair next to me, looking at me expectantly. I was still munching on the remainder of my overnight oats so it took me a couple of seconds to swallow before I could ask what the hell he was waiting for.

“For you to finish whatever it is that you need to do. I have nothing else to do”

“I can’t concentrate with you hovering over me like this. Go work out or something.”

Mat had a really nice gym set up in one of the rooms and let me tell you if I had to pick one place to plank for the rest of the life, it would definitely be in there so I could at least watch the calming water while I died such a slow painful death.

“I already worked out, that’s why I just got out of the shower.”

“Well then put some fucking clothes on, you’re not some cave man who can get away with only wearing a loincloth”, I exclaimed, slowly getting flustered with him in such close proximity while knowing that one tuck could expose him completely. He cackled but got up nevertheless, making his way back towards his bedroom.

“Me being naked is yet another thing no one has ever complained about either, you wound me.”

“I’m sure Tito would disagree!”, I yelled, desperate to have the last word so I could at least keep some semblance of control in this situation. I could hear him laugh all the way from the other end of the house and quickly shook my head so I could finally get some things sorted out before he got back.

With the way the sun was shining right now I could probably get away with wearing only a t shirt over my swimsuit, which was a lot better than the full-on wetsuit we’d donned whenever we’d spent our time doing any water activities over the past few weeks. Although Mat in a wetsuit was truly a sight to see, with the way the fabric clung to him so tight that you could see every ridge of his muscles underneath.

I hustled through my emails, ready to relax for the day. Perhaps I could even start on my summer tan already, being out on the water always sped things up. Thankfully I’d bothered to bring lots of clothes and a bit of online shopping had closed any gaps that I had in my wardrobe, this bikini being one of the new acquirements as well. It was super cute and my butt looked really good in it and it would look even better once I finally got my tan going.

Mat was already lounging on the couch in the living room, scrolling through his phone and looking annoyingly perfect as ever. I knew for a fact that he hadn’t done anything with his hair and it looked so soft that I just wanted to push my hands through it. And pull it until he groaned.

“That one’s new”, he immediately said once he lifted his gaze to look at me, pulling me out of my fantasies. I hadn’t put my shirt on yet so he was getting the full view of me in the bikini, which might have been on purpose. I knew that quarantine must be getting to him as well and he wasn’t the only one that could be a tease.

I nodded, biting my lip before twirling around so he could get all angles. “You like?”

This bikini was a little bit skimpier than the ones he’d seen me in before and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t as relaxed at the sight as he pretended to be. Finally.

We grabbed our paddles and boards and slowly made our way out on the water. It still took me a couple of minutes to find my balance, no matter how many times I’d done this before but eventually I managed, Mat now slightly ahead of me. If I had my phone with me I would definitely take pictures of him right now, they’d be outdoor magazine worthy.

“Come on slow poke, what’s keeping you?”, he yelled over his shoulder and I was tempted to splash him but I already knew that that would end up in a fight I couldn’t possibly win so I only stuck my tongue out before working to catch up.

At first we kept close to the shore but eventually we slowly made our way out farther onto the lake, laying down on our boards to enjoy the gentle up and down of the water. The sun was hotter than anticipated so both Mat and I ended up taking off our shirts and using them as pillows instead. I closed my eyes to keep me from staring at him, instead relishing in the way the sun warmed my face.

“This is what life should always be like”, Mat sighed contently, breaking the comfortable silence.

“You’d miss hockey eventually. You belong on the ice.”

“Probably. But right now I’m not missing a thing ‘cause I got everything I need right here.”

I didn’t want to look at him out of fear of what I might see on his face, only giving him an affirmative hum instead.

-

“You’re seriously the best”, Mat sighed after emptying his drink yet again. I had decided that tonight would be taco night and made some margaritas to accompany them, both of us a couple of glasses in by now. It honestly could be a Tuesday but who even knows anymore. I was convinced that at least part of the reason why Mat had asked me to come with him was because he liked my food so much, especially when I cooked Mexican.

The sun was setting over the lake and we were sitting outside on the porch so we could watch the sun set above the water, music playing quietly in the background. He reached for the pitcher and I grabbed the golf club leaning against the sofa we were currently sharing, even though there was lots of space to lounge elsewhere.

Now I didn’t really like golfing, in fact I thought it was among the most boring sports to watch and not much better to play, but I did like to swing at the ball as hard as I could. I’d found some golf balls that would dissolve into food for the fish so for the last couple of hours Mat and I had taken turns in trying to get the ball as far as possible, both of us with a subpar form that only got worse after every margarita.

“No you need to rotate your hips along with the swing”, Mat commented and I threw him a look over my shoulder.

“You’re not much better you know.”

“Yeah but I’m also stronger than you so I can hit harder.”

“I’m not sure if that’s how it works Matty.”

For my next swing I made sure to exaggeratedly turn my hips with the movement, causing me to lose balance of course. In a split second Mat was there, his big hands resting on either side of my hips so I wouldn’t fall.

“Good reflexes”, I giggled, letting my head drop back onto his shoulder so I could look up at him, our eyes locking in an intense stare. He was standing so close to me that I could feel his breath fan across my neck it was very tempting to take the little step that was needed for me to be pressed against him completely. I knew I shouldn’t be thinking about him like this, but the alcohol wasn’t exactly helping.

I could see him swallow hard, closing his eyes for a second before reluctantly letting go of me. “It’s what they pay me millions for you know.”

“Cocky little shit.” And just like that we fell back into our old rhythm again. I pushed any and all dirty thoughts out of my mind and instead focused back on my golf swing.

With every sip I felt myself relax more, the amount of alcohol in the second pitcher definitely stronger than in the first. I knew that Mat felt the effect of the alcohol as well by now, the way his gaze would turn unfocused from time to time giving him away.

I gave him a curious glance when he got up, knowing for a fact that him with a golf club would be a dangerous combination if he tried anything right now. To my surprise he walked over to the box where all the blankets were stashed, pulling out the fluffy grey one that I liked most before spreading it across both of our legs. He surprised me even further when he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to his side so I could rest my head on his chest. While behavior like this wasn’t completely unusual for the two of us, it had been a while since we last cuddled. It was as if Mat had been careful to not get too close up until this point, his resolve now gone.

“You know, I really like knowing things and learning how stuff works, but sometimes I just wanna be a kid again who doesn’t have a clue. I remember how I used to think that every star was a little fairy like the ones in Tinkerbell or something, I don’t know. The world used to be so full of wonders and now it’s all science this psychology that, you get me?” I listened to him ramble, the alcohol making him stumble on his words a couple of times as he tried to figure out how to properly articulate himself. I’d listened to his drunk thoughts for years now, still amazed at his ability to get all philosophical out of apparently nowhere.

“Kinda yea, but I also think there’s still lots of wonders left, some of them having to do with science. Why do comatose patients wake up? What must it feel like as a surgeon to be able to give someone a new heart, a new life? How can we know so much and yet still be wrong so many times? So the way I see it there’s still wonders, you just got to know where to look”, I finished my rant, looking up only to see Mat intently staring down at me. This wasn’t our first drunk real talk, but the way I was wrapped in his arms somehow made it feel more personal.

“By the way, I think I got lucky because I wasn’t even looking and yet I still somehow ran into you”, I continued, needing him to understand his importance to me all of the sudden. He’d truly been my rock over the past few months, keeping me from going insane as I approached the final stretch of my senior year. He’d reminded me to take care of myself and practically forced me to whenever I didn’t.

I couldn’t even count the amount of times I’d crashed at his place because my roommate was having some kind of crazy rager in our apartment, effectively making it impossible to study. He’d even offered up his spare bedroom once he moved into his new apartment but I declined because I wouldn’t be able to afford the rent at this place and I wasn’t about to leech off of him when I had other options.

“You are my wonder too, you know. I couldn’t have wished for a more supportive friend.” I smiled up at him, drunk happiness mixed with genuine love for the guy that had slowly turned into the most important person in my life. We’d come quite far.

It didn’t take long until the both of us were yawning so frequently that it was impossible to keep up a conversation, quickly gathering everything so we could go back inside. I hadn’t even realized how cold it had gotten until Mat’s arm dropped from my shoulder and my legs were exposed again from underneath the blanket.

“You wanna have a sleepover?”, Mat asked grinning at me cheekily while walking across the living room. Never one to say no to cuddling with Mat, even before all this quarantine horniness, I nodded before dashing off to my room to get ready.

Mat was already snuggled under the covers and he lifted up one side as soon as he saw me getting closer. He liked to be the big spoon and because that was one of the best feelings in the world I basically let him do whatever until he deemed our sleeping position comfortable. He’d definitely pulled me a little tighter than he usually did, our bodies now practically touching from head to toe.

He’d tangled up one of his legs with mine and my back was flush to his chest, his face nuzzled into the back of my neck. He had wrapped one arm around my waist so even if I wanted to leave or move, I wouldn’t be able to. It was like a big perfect Mat cocoon.

As I laid there listening to his breathing slowing down I thought back to what Mat had said on the paddle board a couple of days ago, about how he had everything he needed right here with him. I knew that that wasn’t exactly true because he missed his family and even if he denied it I knew he missed hockey as well, but he’d also admitted to needing me with him and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel the same.

-

A few rays of sunshine had lit up Mat’s bedroom the next morning, but that wasn’t what had woken me up. Mat was calling for me from the ensuite bathroom and I could faintly make out the sound of water running.

“I need you to bring me your shampoo, I’m all out”, he yelled and I groaned before slowly rolling out of bed. In daylight I could make out the mess his room had become, clothes littering the floor and every other surface and I almost stumbled over a set of weights on my way out of the door.

I grabbed my shampoo out of my shower and even reached for the conditioner for good measure. His hair had gotten so long by now that it would surely appreciate the extra attention.

Making my way into the bathroom I was faced with a problem that I hadn’t thought of up until this point. The lake house was pretty new, meaning the interior design was cozy yet still modern. Meaning all bathrooms were equipped with big glass showers. Meaning that there was currently no shower curtain preventing me from seeing Mat fully naked in the shower.

I could close my eyes but I would 100% trip over his clothes that he’d strewn all across the bathroom floor so my only option was to try and keep my eyes up high. Keyword being ‘try’. At least he had his back turned to me but I was still mesmerized by the water running down his body and the way his back muscles rippled as he reached up to push his hair out of his face. And that ass..

I slowly approached the shower, praying that he wouldn’t turn around to face me but also kind of hoping he would. I opened the door a little bit so I could set the bottles down inside and thankfully he stayed put.

“Don’t put the conditioner on your roots or your hair will look greasy”, I said on my way out and even I could hear how breathless I sounded, the view having my thoughts run a mile a second.

As soon as I had the bathroom door closed I squeezed my eyes shut to try and regain my composure. The image of him in that shower was one I wouldn’t be able to get rid of for a long time. I couldn’t even take a cold shower to cool down because Mat had my stuff and he’d know something was up if I were to simply rinse myself off and I couldn’t exactly tell him that the sight of him naked had gotten me all hot and bothered.

So instead I decided to use all of my pent up energy to go on a run, hoping for the runner’s high to clear my thoughts. By the time I got back Mat was laying in the corner of the couch, an episode of The Office on the big flatscreen.

“We need to go to the store later”, I reminded him, knowing that I couldn’t walk in on him naked again without losing the little control I had left in my body. He nodded and then looked me up and down and for a second I was embarrassed. Even with only wearing running shorts and a sports bra I was still drenched in sweat, probably looking disgusting.

At least he’d put my stuff back so I could finally shower in peace, my thoughts still wandering back to earlier this morning. I wouldn’t have turned him down before all of this shit started but now that I only had my own hands and trusted toy to take care of myself, I was borderline desperate. Two months without sex was the longest dry spell I’d had in years and I couldn’t imagine Mat feeling any different. I knew from firsthand experience that he brought lots of girls home as well. Perhaps he needed something to happen as much as I did.

It was hard to believe that his shampoo had just been empty all of a sudden without him noticing first and then there was the fact that for the past few days he’d been parading around the house in only his boxers or towels.

Two can play this game, I thought to myself, pulling on a comfy shirt and some tight booty shorts, foregoing a bra which he was bound to notice because of how it stretched over my chest.

I pretended not to notice how Mat almost choked on the sip of water he’d just taken as I made my way into the living room, walking over to the kitchen to grab my own bottle. Even if I couldn’t see it to confirm, I was pretty sure that he was staring at my ass as soon as I turned away from him. For good measure I even made sure to lie down with my head in his lap, murmuring something about how he’d taken up the best spot so he really left me no other choice.

The first few minutes he didn’t move an inch, resembling a statue. I knew that he could feel my boobs pressed against his thigh and I made sure to shift a couple of times to make sure before placing one of my hands on his thigh. Eventually he relaxed and even went as far as to rest one of his hands on top of my hand, slowly moving his fingers through the tangles in my still wet hair. When he accidently pulled at a few strands I let out a content sigh while simultaneously digging my nails into his thigh out of habit. I pretended to not hear him groan lightly and instead gave him the most insincere apology of my life, thoughts now definitely elsewhere.

I was royally screwed. Or actually I wasn’t, and that was becoming a big problem.

-

I’d made it my personal mission to get a reaction out of him as much as I could. Mat was the same, I hadn’t seen him wearing a shirt in days. It was like this competition to see who could make the other one snap first. Currently I was making breakfast in nothing but a shirt and my panties. Granted, the shirt went to my mid-thighs because I’d stolen it from Mat a couple of months ago but still.

One of my upbeat playlists was playing over the speaker system and I was dancing around in front of the stove, careful to not let the our breakfast burn.

“What a sight to wake up to”, I heard Mat’s voice behind me and his hoarse morning voice did things to me I would never admit out loud. I gave him a cheeky grin over my shoulder and wiggled my butt for good measure as my favorite part of the song came on.

“Can you set the table? Breakfast is almost ready”, I asked and he nodded before moving to grab everything. We’d gotten our morning routine down to a t by now and I couldn’t help the warmth that spread in my chest at seeing him do something so domestic. Our friendship had certainly evolved since practically moving in here together. It would actually be weird to not have him around constantly once all of this was over.

The day continued like most of the days before, us lounging on the couch after working out together for a while. It was something we’d made a habit a while ago. His trainer knew that I was with him so he’d give Mat tandem exercises from time to time or he’d ask me to take videos so he could make sure that Mat’s form was okay. I certainly didn’t mind the view.

Mat was always hot of course but there was something to be said about the way he looked after a workout, all flushed and just downright delicious. It was definitely a great motivation to join him in the gym.

This time I had managed to snatch the corner seat and I was sprawled out on the couch, Mat’s head resting on my stomach. While I’d managed to put on some shorts he was of course still shirtless and I’d given in to temptation long ago, my fingers now slowly running across his back. He had one of his arms thrown across my stomach, hand resting on my hip and drawing slow circles on the little patch of skin that had been exposed when my shirt had ridden up. While cuddling wasn’t unusual between the two of us, this was certainly new territory, the show we’d been watching kind of forgotten by now.

“Use your nails”, Mat pleaded and his voice was so raw that I would’ve done anything he asked of me at this point. He let out a groan when I softly raked my nails across his back and I was glad that he couldn’t see my face right now. There was a spot on the left side of his back that would cause him to shudder slightly, goosebumps spreading quickly. I found myself watching him in awe, fascinated by the reaction I could get out of him by such a simple act.

I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what kind of damage I could do if I really worked for it.

-

It finally happened a couple of nights later after yet another day filled with sexual tension so thick that you could probably cut it with a knife.

Mat helped me clean up after dinner, music playing to help speed things up. I was in charge of taking care of the leftovers while he cleaned up everything else. Obviously I was done before him and since he refused to let me help him I hopped on top of the kitchen counter, making casual conversation while watching him put stuff in the dishwasher.

“This is my jam!”, he exclaimed, quickly wiping his hands clean before motioning for me to come dance with him. I shook my head while laughing, which only led to him grabbing me and lifting me off the counter so I would join him.

His moves were ridiculous, arms kind of just flapping around. I knew that he could dance if he wanted to, we’d been to our fair share of clubs together but right now he definitely wasn’t trying. He held his hand out for me and with a laugh I accepted, letting him spin me around as he wished. The third time while he was spinning me back towards him he pulled a little to hard though and whether it was on accident or not I ended up almost smacking into him, only stopping myself by placing my other hand on his chest.

Both of us were a little out of breath by now and any laughter died down as he wrapped both of his arms around me, pulling me even closer. I looked up at him, gripping onto his shoulder with the other hand. Mat looked down at me with an unreadable expression. We both stared at each other for a couple of seconds, trying to figure out what the other one was thinking at the moment. How had things gone from him twerking to Lizzo to this?

He gulped heavily before bringing one of his hands up to cup my face, ripping me out of my trance. His gaze was flickering between my lips and my eyes and he leaned in a little closer, yet still waiting for me to take the final step. Deciding to throw all caution to the wind I moved my hand to his neck, finally pulling him down to where I wanted him.

When our lips met it was as if everything was falling into place. The kiss started out slow, both of us still kind of figuring out what the hell was going on without scaring the other off. As soon as he realized that I wasn’t going to push him off of me he kissed me back with the determination that he showed in every other aspect of his life. His hands started wandering, first sliding down lower on my back before he moved them to my side, tightly gipping my hips.

I let out a light moan and he used the chance to deepen the kiss, slipping his tongue inside my mouth. He tasted like home and I willingly let him walk me backwards until I could feel the kitchen counter behind me, grateful for the leverage it would give me. He surprised me by lifting me back up on it and then pushing himself between my legs, gripping my thighs.

Eventually I did have to come up for air but Mat apparently didn’t concur to the basic laws of biology because he moved straight to my neck, sucking and biting gently until I was sure that goosebumps covered every square inch of my body. I knew I should stop and think about what was going on right now but I really didn’t want to, so instead I just dove right back into another toe curling kiss. Kissing him had quickly become one of my favorite things and I wanted, no I needed more.

“Mat, wait…”, I murmured against his mouth and he immediately took a step back, looking up at me with an expectant look. I could tell that he thought he’d done something wrong, when in reality it was the exact opposite.

“I want you but I don’t know if the kitchen counter is the right place for that.”

As soon as my words registered with him he groaned, burying his face in my neck.

“Then let’s get you somewhere comfortable… for now”, he teased and the wink he gave me told me that we’d definitely continue this in here another time. I let him lift me down, following behind him as he pulled me towards his bedroom with an urgency that I had only seen in games so far. He was pretty laid-back usually but I could tell that I’d riled him up over the past few days or weeks really.

It seemed like Mat couldn’t hold out until he got me onto his bed though, instead pushing me against the door and leaning down to kiss me again, pushing one of his thighs in between my legs. He fumbled around for a while before finally hitting the right light switch, making the room glow in soft yellow lighting.

His lips were addicting and even when he moved back I didn’t let him, chasing after him for another kiss. Using one of his hands to brace himself the other was slowly pushing up the fabric of my shirt. That wasn’t enough for me so I quickly moved to pull it off. I wasn’t wearing a bra and he cursed as soon as he saw my exposed chest, taking his time to look me up and down.

“So beautiful”, he murmured in awe before moving in again, one of his hands cupping my breast. I let out a moan when he started playing with my nipple which only seemed to spur him on further. I was so turned on already and he hadn’t even done much yet.

Determined to change up the power dynamics I pushed at his chest and he took a step back with a confused look, probably wondering if he’d done something wrong. Confusion turned into amazement as he watched me kiss down his chest before finally sinking down to my knees in front of him.

I took my time kissing his abs and mouthing along the ‘V’ that disappeared into his pants. I could see him straining against his shorts, impressed by what I could make out through the fabric. When I licked along his waistline he let out a beautiful groan and I decided I’d had teased him enough, finally hooking my fingers into his shorts and pulling them down along with his boxers. Him being shirtless already certainly made it easier to get him naked.

I watched his dick spring free, bouncing against his abs and looking absolutely delicious. He was impressively long but it was the girth that truly wowed me, finally making me understand all of the girls that came back time after time.

I gripped his thigh with one hand and reached for his dick with the other, making him curse. When I gave the head a little kitten lick he threaded his hands into my hair, practically pushing me down on him so I’d give him more. I didn’t object, wrapping my mouth around him and taking as much of him as I could, my hand taking care of the rest. The filthy sounds he was letting out above me only making me more enthusiastic and I was pretty sure that he’d have little crescent marks on his thighs for the next few days from how I was digging my nails into his thigh. He didn’t seem to mind though, only moaning my name.

“Fuck, you look so good like that”, Mat murmured and I looked up to him watching me intently. I kept my gaze locked on his as I moved back to let him go, my hand continuing to stroke him but my mouth dropping down to suck at his balls. The moan he let out would have made any porn star jealous.

It didn’t take long for him to pull me off of him in a way that told me that he didn’t actually want to, both of us panting as if we’d just ran a marathon.

“You need to stop or I’m going to cum”, he let out, his hoarse voice turning me on so much that I was pretty sure I’d be dripping down my legs if it weren’t for the fact that I was still wearing some clothes.

“Would that be such a bad thing?”, I teased, grinning up at him, not being able to resist licking up the entire length of his shaft once more. He practically pulled me up to my feet after that, moving in for another searing kiss.

“I’ve wanted you for so long and there’s no way I’m gonna finish before we even started.” He started to push me back towards his bed, changing his mind halfway there as he bent down to pick me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. For the first time I was able to feel him press against me, the thin fabric of my shorts not really doing much and holy shit did he feel good. He sat down on the edge of his bed, me now straddling his lap and I couldn’t help but roll my hips against him, desperate for any friction at this point.

The both of us let out a simultaneous moan at that and Mat buried his face in my neck, slowly sucking along my collarbone. He gripped my waist, his big hands nearly encircling it entirely.

“You’re wearing too many clothes still”, he said with his lips moving against my skin, making me shudder yet again. I’d long lost count a long time ago.

“Then do something about it”, I responded, not really willing to move at this point. He quickly stood up with me still perched on top of him before turning the both of us around, dropping me down onto the middle of the mattress. Him throwing me around like I weighed nothing really did something to me and I looked up at him through hooded eyes, waiting for him to make the next move.

He didn’t disappoint, leaning down to trail kisses from my neck, mouthing along my boobs before finally moving to pull my shorts and panties off. He took his time, making sure to appreciate every new inch of skin that he’d just exposed on the way back up and the closer he got to my core the more I was squirming underneath him. I had been waiting for this for so long that I wasn’t sure if I could make it through another minute without him inside me.

“Mat please, I really need you”, I whined and I could see him smirk up at me from where he’d situated himself between my legs.

“Don’t worry I’ll make you feel so good baby.” Hearing him call me ‘baby’ only made things worse but he finally put me out of my misery when he ran one of his large beautiful fingers through my folds.

“Holy shit you’re so wet for me already”, he cursed and I was about to respond when he literally took my breath away by licking up my slit. I couldn’t help but arch off the bed, already so keyed up and he quickly threw one arm across me stomach, forcing me to stay still. He started out slow and I knew that he was only trying to egg me on further but his resolve didn’t last long and he soon dove in with a determination that had sounds coming out of my mouth that I’d never made before in my entire life.

He moved my legs to rest on his shoulders so he could have better access and because I really needed something to hold on to for dear life, I gripped his hair. He’d said a couple of times that it had gotten too long during this quarantine but I certainly wasn’t complaining now, using it as leverage. I could see him grind against the comforter, desperate for any kind of friction himself and it was the hottest thing I’d ever seen in my life.

He moved back a little and I was about to complain when he slowly pushed a finger inside of me, any words dying in my throat at the feeling. He lowered his mouth again, sucking hard on my clit and I moaned so loud that I was glad that we were alone in the house.

“More, Mat please”, I whispered and I almost couldn’t believe that he already had me begging. He groaned and the vibrations in combination of him pushing a second finger inside of me were almost too much. I was close and I knew that he could tell from the way my thighs were starting to shake, curling his fingers inside me until he finally found the spot that made me cum so hard with a scream that I could see stars. He brought me through it, still pushing in and out slowly when I finally returned back to earth, grinning up at me proudly after wiping his mouth on the inside of my thigh.

“That was so fucking hot”, he said and I laughed, throwing my arm over my eyes in embarrassment. I’d had my fair share of hookups as well but nobody had managed to make me feel this good. I could feel him move up my body, reaching for my arm so he could look me in the eyes again before leaning down for a kiss. I could taste myself on his lips and while kissing him was still amazing, it wasn’t enough anymore. Mat seemed to catch my drift because he rolled off of me, only to reach for his nightstand, feeling around for a bit before triumphantly holding up a foil packet.

Taking advantage of him on his back I moved to straddle his thighs, taking his cock in my hands once again. He bucked his hips involuntarily and I could tell that he needed this as much as I did at this point. I took the foil package from him, ripping it open with my teeth before rolling the condom down his shaft. He gripped my hips, helping me scoot up until I was positioned above him, holding him so I could slip the tip inside.

Both of us let out simultaneous groans when I finally sunk down on him, the stretch painful in the most delicious way. He gave me a couple of seconds to adjust but I wasn’t really willing to wait any longer, rolling my hips against him.

“Your pussy feels so good around me”, he panted as he helped guide me along with his hands while looking me deep in the eyes. His pupils were so blown at this point, his cheeks were flushed and he’d never looked better. I was a moaning mess above him and I wanted to remember the way his cock was dragging against my walls for the rest of my life. One of his hands still rested on my hip while his other grabbed my boob, twisting the nipple and making me moan even louder.

At one point he moved to sit up, our chests now pressed together. The new angle had my clit rub against his pelvic bone and I knew that I’d come again like this with no extra help needed. Mat moved to kiss my neck, sucking and biting so harshly that I was sure that there’d be marks there the next day, not that anybody besides us would be able to see them.

His groans had become more erratic as well and I knew that he probably wasn’t far behind me, my name constantly on his lips. One last drag against him had me arch into him with yet another earth-shattering orgasm, Mat doing his best to fuck me through it before turning us around so he was on top of me, using his hands to hold himself above me so he wouldn’t crush me.

He grabbed one of my legs and pushed it up to rest on his hip, thrusting into me with a force that had the headboard slam into the wall repeatedly. He felt so good that with every thrust I let out a little moan, still sensitive from my orgasm, which only seemed to spur Mat on even more. I was digging my nails into his back to the point where I was sure that there would be red streaks after but he didn’t seem to care at all, too lost in the moment. It didn’t take long before he threw his head back and I could feel him pulse inside me as he came, the most beautiful groan coming from his lips as he finally stilled inside me.

He crashed down on top of me, burying his face in my neck, both of us out of breath by now and covered in sweat. He was silent for a while until he caught me off guard when he started laughing.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just thinking.. we could’ve been doing that for weeks, I certainly wanted to.”

“I did too but I guess we’re both stupid.”

Now we were both laughing and Mat moved off of me so he could pull out, gripping the condom so it wouldn’t slip off. He threw it in the trash can in the corner before coming back, his hand outstretched for me to take.

“I guess we have some catching up to do then, starting right now with me and you in the shower”, he said with a wink and I couldn’t think of a time where I’d gotten out of bed faster. 

[the-scooby-gang]

Us... But not quite

Part 7

Summary: After falling thought a portal while they were being chased by their most horrifying monster yet, The Scooby Gang finds themselves in a place they have never been before. A place called Crystal Cove. 

“We are here!” Younger Fred said.

Here, is a large white Spanish style building with red roofs were the front wall read City Hall in big brass letters.

The trip over here was mundane. It was a nice town, composed of small buildings, built like a picturesque Spanish village. Most buildings were painted either a soft cream or vibrant welcoming colours. If it wasn’t for the “Most haunted place on earth” sigh at the beginning of the town they would have happily stayed there relaxing a little and taking their sweet time researching until they found a way to go home.  

“I will go inside. You guys wait for me here?” Young Fred was already outside the van. He had the coffee holder in one hand, one foot on the steps of the building.

“You got it, Little Me.” Older Fred gave him a thumbs up. The gang made their way outside moving towards the young man who by now had walked up the steps, looking at them expectantly.  

“Ok, be right back” he waved at them as he went inside.

“He’s such a cutie,” Daphne said when young Fred was no longer on hearing range. “Remember when we used to be his age?”

Fred and Velma sat down on the third step, leaning against each other. Scooby laid on the sidewalk by their feet while Daphne and Shaggy perched themselves on the stone bannister. They took a deep, long breath, taking in the sea air into their lungs.

It was indeed a beautiful town.

“Like, bold of you to assume I remember anything at any point in time” Shaggy turned his head lazily towards his girlfriend.

“What you had for breakfast yesterday?” Velma’s left eyebrow disappeared under her bangs.

“That’s, like, different and you know it” Shaggy pointed his finger at the sweater-clad woman.

“Rood is unforgettable,” Scooby added from the ground.

They chuckled, a soothing silence fell over them. Scooby made himself comfortable, his head on Velma’s lap with Fred scratching behind his ears. Daphne turned Shaggy’s back to her and resumed braiding his hair. It was past his shoulders again, she noticed. They would have to decide what style they were going to cut it this time.

“What are we going to tell his gang, man?” Shaggy asked, looking at the street while Daphne’s fingers carted through his scalp.

“What do you mean?” Daphne asked, halfway through a five-strand braid.

“Well, are we going to tell, like, everything to them? Everything? ”

“I don’t see why not, it’s not like we have been the face of secrecy with him, you know,” Fred said, gesturing with his one remaining hand as the other was occupied turning Scooby into goo.

“Dude, I ain't talking about the powers and college degrees, that is a different can of worms, I’m talking about us.” Shaggy also started gesturing with his hands, pointing them towards his chest at the end of that particular statement.

“Us?” Fred was confused until Shaggy took his hand, a meaningful look on his hazel eyes.

“Us.”

“But Shaggy, what would be so bad if they knew about our relationship? For all we know, they may be right in the path of starting their own version of it.” Daphne questioned, undoing the five strand braid and starting a french one.

“And that is the problem. We don’t know anything about them. They may be us, but, like, not really us. Maybe nothing goes as they did back home. Then we parade into their lives, like, without knock or warning…”

“And you are afraid that we may accidentally start influencing their decisions or something.” Fred completed, his eyes wild when the information dawned on him.

Velma sprung to her feet, pacing furiously in front of them, her serious face on. “Jinkies, Shaggy is right! At that age, the world was new to us. If an older version of me had appeared to my fifteen old self and told me about my future, I would use all of it as a guideline.”

“But we are not even their future selves, we are from a different dimension altogether. Our lives were shaped by entirely different circumstances.” Daphne contra argued, finishing the french braid carefully to not pull Shaggy’s hair too much.

“It won’t matter. They will see in us models to follow, versions of ‘what could’ or ‘should be’.” Velma sat down once again, both hands under her chin.

“But Shaggy, if you had all these concerns, why didn’t you stop us from talking about our cases? Why expose him to your magic?” Fred asked, looking at his boyfriend expectantly.

“Because these types of things are, like, manageable on the long run, man” Shaggy rubbed his face “Dude, there is a difference between ‘things that I may do when I’m older’ and ‘My future relationship status’. What if we tell them we are together and then they, like, I don’t know, try to force it to happen between them? We,” he pointed to all of them “Clicked together after years of knowing each other, and like, late-night star seeing, but for them? I don’t know where their destiny was going to send them, man. Maybe they end up together. Maybe they would pass the rest of their lives in a harmonious platonic relationship. Maybe they will find love outside of the gang, I don’t know. We could inadvertently cause a sea of heartache.”

Silence fell between them. Fred had to admit that he hadn’t thought about it like that. Daphne hugged Shaggy from behind, her chin on his shoulder, pushing the now made french braid over the other.

“So you think we may cause them harm just by being here?”

Shaggy shrugged “That’s the thing: I don’t know. Not for sure. That’s the problem with interdimensional magic, the rules aren’t as clear cut as, like, time travel ones.” he groaned, resting his head against Daphne’s  “Dude, I hate interdimensional magic. This shit is, like, way trickier than it has any right to be.”

Velma put her finger over her chin. After a minute of silence, she turned towards the gang “I think I get it. In time travel, everything you do affects you personally because you are meddling with your timeline. But once you start interacting with a different dimension you-“

“Your timeline is no longer in the equation.” Daphne completed.

“Exactly, but we are still present in a sense, so our actions will affect the world none less.”

“Just with zero consequences to us.” Fred laid lack on the steps of the city hall entrance, dissociating after such a bomb was thrown in his lap.

“So, we could tell this younger gang about our relationship and then go back to our dimension unaffected…” Daphne turned her body away from the bannister, no longer using it as a seat but as a support. Her arms crossed and her face contorted into a frown as she looked at Fred on the ground.

“But live behind a gang that may not be compatible romantically with each other trying to force themselves together and end up with a nice bucked off emotional issues” Shaggy also turned towards the gang, but remained seated on the bannister in a lotus position.

Daphne covered her face with both hands, her voice muffled “God, I hated having this kind of discussions in Philosophy class, applying them to real-life doesn’t make them better.”

“Well, we have left the room of hypotheses and entered headfirst in an actual ‘non-consequences free’ zone, so is bound to suck harder now. Be glad that you are not being graded by this particular dive into madness.” Velma smirked at the purple-clad girl who threw one of her patented glares.

“Thank you, Velma, for your kind words.”

“I’m here to serve” she mockingly bowed.

They laughed over the girls’ shenanigans. They were giggly since they arrived in this weird new world and they sure hoped it was no psychological effect of being so unceremoniously launched into the unknown. They, still laughing, set all in the steps of the city hall, side by side. Scooby was giving them worried looks. Not a good sight.

“So, what do you guys suggest we tell them?” Daphne was the first one to sober up from the laughing fit, cleaning the tears from the corners of her eyes.

“What they ask of us. Our best tactic now is to not lie. Lies have short legs and can easily trip” Fred said, rubbing his hands over his eyes.

“Especially when you are lying to a bunch of junior detectives.” Added Velma.

“Exactly, so if they ask about something that we deem reality shattering we tell half of the truth or we find a way to change the subject until we figure out if the information could or not have lasting effects. That way we would not be technically lying to them and at the same time we avert any emotional fallout.” Fred had a faraway look in his eyes, probably thinking about all the topics that he simply didn't want to touch again even with a ten feet long pole.

This dimension Jones Sr. better not be a masked villain too or he was going to deck him in the face.

“…When I had that one dream about becoming one of the faes, these were not the circumstances that I thought it would go down.” Daphne had a disbelieving look on her face, looking at her back as if she was expecting a pair of wings to sprout from there.

“I, like, will have to explain the magic, even if not all of it. Even if I erased his memory of the van merging -with by the way I will not do- magic always finds a way of being discovered. It’s, like, better we explain to them now instead of them finding out later by other means.” Shaggy said, remembering that one memorie in Salem where he and Daphne were accused of witchcraft. He was partially offended that the thing that put her in the stake by his side was not any magical prowess on her part and it was more in the line of “Adult Woman With Opinions Are The Devil”.

“Yeah, you said something about mind magic being volatile” Velma turned to him, always curious about magic and its applications and side effects. She was dead set in proving that magic was just another form of science, albeit more flashy. Shaggy thought that if anyone was going to prove that would be the small woman.

“It’s like magical brain surgery. Like, one wrong move and I give the boy an aneurysm. This kind of spell is for casters that have, like, one-third of my anxiety and nothing more.”

The day barely began in Crystal Cove and they had all these problems to think about. The exhaustion was slowly but surely creeping on them. Fred was feeling old. They were all feeling old. Everything was moving at a breakneck pace and seemed to never stop. A new world, new people, new gang, new problems. They prayed that nothing more was added to the list.

“I can wait for this all to settle down so I can find the closest bed and bloody shut down all my bodily functions.” Fred groaned, covering his face with his hands.

“Same.” Was the unison response.

Silence.

Is either silence or laughter. That could not be healthy.

“Wait, does this mean no kissing???” Shaggy exclaimed which earned three hands flying over his mouth.

“Not in public, at least. It's a small town on the coast, isolated from major cities by some good miles, most people know each other one way or another” Fred said, removing his hand slowly.

“Yeah, and they would especially notice if the mayor's son was caught kissing all four of his friends” Added Velma, her hand leaving his mouth to find a place on his shoulder.

“Or, like, kissing said friend’s necks and behind their ears” Shaggy sighed, resigned to the ‘non-affection beyond normal friendly’ future.

“Nice just what we- Wait a second, ‘behind their ear’? Since when does Fred kiss behind ears??” Daphne turned her head so fast that Shaggy was afraid she may break her neck with the speed. When her head didn’t fall off her shoulders, Shaggy finally registered what she said.

“Like, since that one afternoon in grad year, on the roof of the culinary building. I thought he did it to all of us ” Brown eyes looked confused between blue and purple eyes, while said purple eyes were now glaring a hole thru the blue eyes owner's skull.

“Fredrick Jones, what affection partiality bullshit is this?”

“Yeah, Fred what gives?” Now pair of brown eyes was glaring at him, the glare somehow amplified by a pair of glasses, and Fred wanted nothing more than to flee towards the nearest desert to avoid vaporization.

“Ok, in my defence, none of you girls does the little shiver that he does when I kiss you guys there and believe me, I checked” He could feel the intense blush in his face and he just knew that he looked like a blond tomato right now.

“Shivers?” Daphne’s glare lost some of its intensity, her curiosity about new information about one of her lovers superseding her perceived slight.  

Velma’s glare also mellowed down, her eyes now zeroed on Shaggy, who was doing his best to turn into a strawberry from how red he had suddenly turned.

“Yup. They run up and down his spine like a bolt of electricity. He gets all flustered, the most beautiful shade of carmine I have ever seen.” No longer under fear of vaporization via death glare, Fred perked up, a smile of one thousand volts on his face. He loved talking about his loved ones.

“Like, Freddie, man, come on” Redder by the second, Shaggy’s shoulders were perked, covering his ears. God, why didn’t he study those morphing spells more? He would give anything to be a rock right about now.

“Oooooh, so our Norvy darling is a shivery shiver boy, huh?” Daphne smirked, leaning against Shaggy, one arm going around his shoulder, essentially caging him from any last-minute spring to the mountains.

“I will pay you actual money to never say that again” He turned his head in the redhead direction, officially reaching ‘completely red’ status.

“Oh? But is the truth, isn’t it? Freddie is not one for lies.” Velma piped in, a mischievous look on her face.  

“Are you lying, Freddie?” Daphne turned towards him, her own mischievous look making her purple eyes shine.

“I would never. Scots honour” Fred, the traitor, put a hand over his heart, the picture of sincerity. On second thought, maybe instead of turning into a rock, he could turn Fred into a rock.

“What do you say to me and Daph test it out? Just to see it for ourselves…” Velma gravitated to his other side. With Fred right in front of him, he was completely trapped.

Note to self: LEARN THE GODDAMN ROCK MORPHING SPELL!!!

Giggling like the villains they are, his lovers got closer and closer, their minds probably a mile a minute in all the ways they are going to make him have a cardiac arrest from the blushing alone when...

“Ah, ruys? Rhat rabout that rhing rabout rublic?” Scooby, the one that was the current owner of the brain cell of the gang apparently, commented from the ground. Those kids took too much influence from that Addams couple they met all those years ago. It had to be, because Scooby could NOT, for the life of him, remember them being THIS horny.  One of these days he was going to get a cardboard box and write ‘HORNY JAIL’ in it to live them in time out.

The trio deflated, the wind completely blew out of their sails while Shaggy signed in relief, no longer trapped in the soon to be kiss cocoon…

And he was disappointed for some ungodly reason!

Lined side by side on the stone bannister, the gang groaned in frustration.

“I hate this already,” Shaggy grumbled, his red cheeks puffed.

“Yeah.” The other three agreed.

Scooby muffled a laugh. God, these next days are going to be an amazing shitshow to watch unfold. He gave them one week before they broke down.

Another groan came from the young adults, shoulder to shoulder, their heads touching, soaking in the small scrap of contact that they could have.

On second thought, a week may be too generous.

All of sudden, they could hear footsteps approaching from inside the building. Young Fred had a smile on his handsome face, putting his phone away as he walked.  

“Hey, guys. Hope I didn’t make you wait too long” He was waving at them, smiling.

Young Fred was really happy with the presence of this new gang. They seemed so comfortable together, he hoped that they could all hang out. They could go to the beach, eat some Fruitmeir’s. They could even build traps together! He should ask them later.

“Nah, we barely noticed.” Daphne waved back “We were just chatting a little bit, nothing big.”

They had become really good liars along the years, huh.

“So, where now? Did you talk with your gang?” Fred, the older, asked his younger counterpart, making his way towards the van, Scooby softly head butting his left hand earning him a nice pat.

“I called them and told them to meet me at the radio station. It’s owned by a friend of ours that helps us from time to time”

“Groovy! Lead the way” Shaggy smiled, snapping his fingers in rapid succession, making Young Fred laugh. 

We talk about this more later after we meet their gang and take a good long nap.

Three different winks of affirmation. Morse code is coming in handy in these weird times.

“Hey, does that radio station have any maps of the town? Not that I don’t enjoy you helping with directions, but I was hoping to familiarize myself better with the place” Daphne casually hopped to young Fred’s side, looping her arm over his shoulders, a sweet smile on her purple lipstick.  

“Sure thing, Angel must have some lying around. I could show you the library too so you could look for them yourself” Young Fred suggested, lining on the embrace. He and his Daphne should do this more, it was nice.

“Really???” Her smile got impossibly brighter, bouncing in place like a child at a candy store. Young Fred soon found himself locked in a bear crushing hug, the older woman long red hair tickling his nose. “Thanks, Little Freddie, you’re the best”

He hugged her back, a soft look on his face. He had hugged his Daphne before, but this hug felt fundamentally different. Maybe it was her age difference with his best friend or the way she looked at him like he was the most precious thing she had ever seen. Maybe it was the effect of having talked with her about all his trap ideas during the journey here, her attention never wavering.

Maybe it was a combination of all of them. He didn’t know.

That didn’t stop, however, the small part in the back of his mind telling him that this is what a mother embrace felt like.

“Ah chucks, it’s nothing really. What are friends for?”

[longformautie]

Addressing sexism of autistic men

CW: gender-based violence, including murder and rape

I. Introduction

This post has been coming for a long time. And I mean a LONG time. My thoughts on this topic have been evolving constantly. They will probably evolve even after I post this. I am still learning and welcome feedback.

I was prompted to write this post during the pre-coronavirus Before Times, when I saw that the popular Facebook page Humans Of New York had profiled an autistic man who had become a pickup artist. For context, pickup artists are a group of straight men who will cynically do whatever it takes to get them laid, which of course means blatantly ignoring the needs of the women they interact with, and who share strategies with one another. The autistic man in the photo post talked about how before he was a pickup artist he was hopeless with women, and now he was getting girls - getting laid, even. He said he knew it was manipulative, but that it was only fair - after all, it’s not like anyone had ever sympathized with him for his social difficulties. I was curious about what people had to say in the comments section; turns out, I wasn’t satisfied by any of the takes I found.

The takes I didn’t like can be broken down into two categories. Category number one were formulations like “poor him, he just wants to be accepted.” I’m not even a little bit sympathetic to this take and will only be spending a moment on it. Suffice it to say, it’s hard to take these people at their word that they care about the autism struggle when they don’t show up in droves to the banners of the neurodiversity movement with this level of enthusiasm. Rather, we are part of a culture that likes to sympathize with toxic men. If the man wasn’t autistic, they’d find some other excuse, but since he is, in defending him they can also activate the ableist notion that autistic people are incapable of respecting boundaries. I choose the word “incapable” because if your position is that autistic people sometimes don’t know better than to violate a boundary, the logical conclusion is simply that someone should teach them. To sincerely and enthusiastically take up this kind of “poor autistic guy doesn’t know any better” rhetoric, you have to presume complete incompetence of autistic people and that we’ll never learn, so that when a straight autistic man does a violating thing to a woman, they can shrug their shoulders and say, “well, I guess nothing can be done about this.” This attitude is sexism and ableism couched in a delusion of sympathy.

Category number two of takes, I like lots better but still am not quite satisfied with, and can be roughly summarized: “This isn’t caused by autism, it’s caused by being an asshole.” While I agree that being an asshole is the main ingredient in this cocktail, I don’t think the autism should be dismissed as an irrelevant detail. I think there is a sexism problem specific to autistic men that needs to be separately talked about and addressed. I intend to do so in this post, without assigning blame either to the autism or to the women being abused.

I want to note in advance that this post will be cishet-centric, not because I think straight experiences are universal, partly because the behavior of cishet men is what’s at task here, but mostly because I have no idea how these issues affect LGBTQIA communities. If anyone is able and willing offer insight or resources on that topic, I’d love to hear from you.

I. Autistic men

Having experienced it firsthand, I can say for sure that autistic loneliness is a vicious cycle. By loneliness, I mean a lack of any social connection, not just a lack of romantic or sexual partners. Autism makes social interaction more difficult, which makes it harder to find friends, but, crucially, not having friends also makes social interaction more difficult. More people to interact with means more practice with social interaction; it also means more assistance from comparatively clued-in people who care about us. This vicious cycle can also manifest with respect to a subset of people. For example, an autistic child who only socially interacts with adults may have trouble forming connections with peers. For the purpose of this discussion, I want to focus on the problems this presents for autistic boys who want to interact with girls in their age group.

The scarcity of cross-gender social interaction during childhood need not be framed as a uniquely autistic experience. Societal forces sort us by gender from an incredibly early age, so the vast majority of our social connections in childhood are with people of the same gender. Furthermore, especially during and after adolescence, boys and men are discouraged from being emotionally close with one another. Thus, the norms of masculinity isolate us almost totally from peers of all genders. Our social connections with men must be superficial; our social connections with women must be non-platonic. For those of us who crave the emotional intimacy that our same-gender friendships lack, a romantic relationship is the only socially acceptable opportunity to forming a deep, loving bond with someone close to our own age.

Enter autism (again). Dating, when we hit adolescence, is wholly new to us, and we have been given no opportunity to adjust ourselves to its social norms. Autism makes this a particular challenge, as do gender roles in dating. Since men are supposed to initiate and women are supposed to merely give subtle hints (if not be straight-out “hard to get”), straight autistic men face both the pressure of leaping into an arena that intimidates us, and the bewilderment of not knowing whether it’s working. If I had a crush on you in high school, I probably kept it a secret; if you had a crush on me, I probably didn’t notice.

Worth noting here that none of the things I’ve listed are evidence against autistic men’s actual attractiveness or appeal to women. We are facing access barriers that accumulate over the course of our lives until we finally figure out how to start ripping them down, and when we do, we quite often do get to have romantic and sexual relationships. But the prevailing narrative about autism and other disabilities is that they’re unsexy, and a lot of autistic men buy into that. I myself thought I was one of those autistic men who’d never date or have sex until experience taught me otherwise.

Knowing all this, we can see why a lot of autistic men might feel both that they need a relationship to be happy, and that they cannot possibly have one. This makes us prime targets for recruitment, because the sense of personal injury at being deprived of sexual experiences for reasons beyond one’s control is as indispensable an ingredient in the various movements of the “manosphere” as the sexism itself. It’s not that autistic men are any more or any less sexist than regular men, but that the sexists among us already feel exactly the way these communities require them to feel: deeply aggrieved, and deeply desperate. Pickup artistry both validates this sense of personal injury, and sells itself as the solution: a set of simple, logical rules that, when followed, will grant success. But it misses the uncomfortable truth that while everyone deserves to receive love, no particular person is obliged to give it. This is a deeply frustrating contradiction with no easy solution, but the solution certainly is not to cynically manipulate women into doing the thing you want.

III. Allistic women

I never was a pickup artist, but that doesn’t mean I never harbored a grievance against women for my loneliness. After all, I thought, wouldn’t my perpetual singleness end if women were more direct and assertive? As such, I worry that other people who read this may end up pinning the responsibility for autistic loneliness onto individual women too. The previous section hints at why that’s wrong, but I also want to take the time to explain why it’s deeply unfair.

My autism and masculinity were first brought into conjunction (or was it conflict?) in my mind in my freshman year of college. One of my new Facebook friends shared a Tumblr blog called “Straight White Boys Texting” which was a collection of screenshots of unwanted straight white boy texts, running the gamut from simple inability to take a hint to bona fide “what color is your thong” garbage. I felt pretty attacked, partly because I wasn’t yet used to seeing myself as part of a “straight white boys” collective that people didn’t like, and partly because what I saw was a bunch of guys missing social cues and taking things literally, just as a younger me would have done. I felt like I needed to say something - and boy, was that a bad decision. I said something about how the women in the screenshots needed to be more direct, and got instant (and deserved) backlash both for focusing on the least important problem in the interactions and for placing responsibility for a male behavior problem squarely back onto women.

At the time, I didn’t have a coherent framework for understanding sexism. Since then, I’ve learned that giving a direct no can occasionally get women killed, and most often at least gets them yelled at and insulted. Giving a yes also comes with its own risks - the risk of rape, in (unfortunately-not-actually-so-)extreme cases where that inch of “yes” results in guys taking a mile, but also the more pervasive risk of being socially stigmatized as slutty or promiscuous. It’s often the most women can get away with to be subtle (rather than completely silent) about all of their wants and needs, so that a discerning man who actually cares will know what those wants and needs are and respect them.

This puts those of us who have trouble with reading subtle signals in a difficult position if we inadvertently cross a boundary, but that’s not a problem women can reasonably be expected to solve. If a man crosses a woman’s boundaries because he simply doesn’t respect them, he wants to make it look like it’s an accident so that he will be forgiven. “But Aaron,” you might say, “didn’t you just say that the right thing to do in those situations is to teach people the right behavior, not ignore it?” Yes, that’s true. But that assumes the continuation of a conversation that a woman might feel safer just skipping; if a man is making her feel uncomfortable, she’s probably not inclined to continue to converse with him in order to establish whether his intentions were good or bad. When we impose the burden of freeing males from loneliness onto women, we are asking them to continue to interact with frightening men at their own peril.

Ironically enough, some of these frightening men are the autistic pickup artists from part 1. This means that pickup artists, far from “solving” the problems with dating they feel aggrieved by, are actually making it more difficult for everyone except themselves by giving women one more reason to be scared and cynical, and men who slip up one more type of monster to be mistaken for.

IV. Autistic women

At first glance, it seems like there’s a choice to be made here, between supporting autistic men who want to be valued as potential romantic and sexual partners and supporting allistic women who just want to be safe. But what I’m realizing more and more is that when there seems to be a conflict between the needs of two marginalized groups, the right choice is generally to avoid picking a side and instead find ways to support both groups. This works well, not only because both groups get what they want, but because if a side must be chosen, the people at the intersection of the two groups will lose both ways.

Autistic women bear the brunt of every part of this mess, as described in detail by Kassiane Asasumasu on her blog, Radical Neurodivergence Speaking (see  the links later in this paragraph). Because autistic men fear ableism from neurotypical women, we tend to believe that autistic women are the only partners who will accept us for who we are. As a result, autistic women report being swarmed at autism meetup groups by men looking for a girlfriend, and those men who struggle with independent living are more than willing to escape that by leaning on the patriarchal expectation that the woman does all the chores, even when she is an autistic woman who struggles with the exact same tasks. This means autistic women actually interact with sexist autistic men the most, and not only are they subject to the same toxic shit that allistic women have to deal with, but they’re also expected to “understand” these men and thus endlessly tolerate their (supposedly inevitable) shitty behavior.

V. Solutions

Fortunately, the choice between female safety and autistic desirability is not a choice we have to make, but the solutions are not as simple as members of one or the other group simply choosing to behave differently. Rather, they require the collective participation of all kinds of people.

Addressing autistic male sexism necessarily means addressing sexism. It means respecting when women say no, rather than making it an unpleasant experience they might fear to repeat. It means teaching consent in special education classrooms, so that no one can claim in good faith that an autistic boy who crosses a boundary simply doesn’t know better. It means teaching girls, as they grow into women, that they are under no obligation to tolerate sexist behavior out of sympathy for the sexist man.

But addressing sexism also means supporting boys and men as they escape the confines of conventional masculinity. It means enabling and encouraging them to have close friends of all genders. It means reminding them that they don’t need a woman, any more than a woman needs a man.

In addition to addressing sexism, we need to address the ableism that prevents autistic people from accessing not just dating but emotional closeness of all kinds. We need to stimulate autistic people’s peer relationships at all stages of life. We cannot do this if special ed teachers continue to view us as broken allistic people rather than whole autistic people, nor can we do it if they view us as incomplete adults rather than entire children. If an autistic boy is unable to learn about condoms because it offends the sensibilities of the teacher, or if he is unable to learn how to talk like a teenager because his parents would like him to learn to speak like an adult, then that autistic boy is being deprived both of autonomy and of the opportunity to learn.

Furthermore, we need to teach allistic children how to interact with their autistic peers. Autistic people need no additional incentive to learn how to interact with the societal majority who control their access to jobs, housing, healthcare, education, political representation, and much more. Allistic people can, however, choose not to bother learning how to support and include us and face almost no social consequences beyond not getting to see my cool maps. Rather than alleviating this unequal distribution of incentives, adults generally exacerbate it by focusing only on the social development of autistic children with respect to interactions with allistic people, but not on the social development of allistic children towards being able to interact with autistic people. This is because the prevailing view regarding autism is still that our modes of moving through the world are incorrect and defective, whereas allistic modes of social interaction are viewed as normal and valid even when they exclude others.

The problem of autistic male sexism is hairy and complicated, but if we take the above steps, we can solve it without further stigmatizing autism, and without victim-blaming women. We don’t have to leave anyone behind in this conversation. Rather, by fighting both for autism acceptance and consent culture, we can produce a more just world where everyone gets the love and respect that they deserve.

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hello again ☺️Yes, that would have been really cool! I already read two of your recomnendations and i love them so thank you again for sharing! I can understand you being unsure of your writing but i bet there are people who will love it. Judging from how you answer your asks and how much you love John i have no doubt that i would love it. But if you dont wanna post it anywhere i would completely understand too. (1)

Im glad i came around to like Root cause otherwise it would have been hard to watch season 4 & 5 cause she appears a lot. I think part of it is cause i watched it witch my family and my dad loves her so i started to like her more too (you know who you love sth cause someone else loves it?) and then eventually i liked her to. Shaw i loved from day one and i loved her sibling energy with John. The John and Shaw dynamic was one of my favorites. I love their teasing and their chaotic energy (2)

As for Shoot i think its kinda cool that the writers just went with it cause of the chemistry and i like Shoot a lot. John and Harold would be amazing too (i mean whats better than one queer couple? Two queer couples!) And there are some parallels between the ships so there was room for both of them. Eventhough Harold and Grace is cute too. And i feel John has chemistry with almost everyone (not always romantic chemistry but also platonic chemistry if thats a Thing 😂) and (3)

in Addition to rinch i also really liked John with Zoe. The only one he had zero chemistry with was the theraphist imo. That ship was just weird. I wish they would have used that time for more Rinch scenes instead. -- yes someone who agrees about the happy end! I dont understand people who wish for a sad end. Like John is my fave character ever and i just want him to be happy with his newfound odd family and maybe someday adopt a cute baby with Harold or become an uncle or idk just be happy (4)

But in my Imagination he didnt die and someday he and Harold retired and started their quieter Happy life with Bear. --- yeah poi Reddit loves the later seasons and hates the first and i noticed they can get a bit mean with people who dont agree (thats why i only read and never write anything). Also said you could skip most of S1 which is just sad cause its a great season 😔 i will accept that i lost validity (is this even a Word?) for liking Root 😂 also yea 4x20 is the ep with the carter hallucinations so check it out. But a warning: Root appears :D sorry this ask got so long, but i just love talking to you and i always look forward to your replies :)

Hi !! Happy to see you're back :)

Glad you liked my recs ! I think there's quite an amount of fics with suicidal John out there actually. Not that surprising since it's canon.

I appreciate your support ! In the long run idk if it's healthy for me. Like a few months ago I fell back into ace attorney and I read a lot of fics about Miles being suicidal and it affected me negatively. Sometimes I purposefully seek out suicide fics. And it may not be the most healthy thing to do. So I'm not sure about that fic. Bc I do wanna write it, but idk if it'd be healthy, as catharsis, or unhealthy, as rumination. I mean I've been writing that body horror fic with some projection of my body issues and it's fine. But yeah I'm pretty sure that if I ever finish it I think I'll post it – after all I posted a fic in which John jumped off a bridge a long while ago before I got suicidal (foreshadowing my own life here lmao). I also wanna try to work on my other wips

Yeah I see, that's understandable. Ngl Root makes me not motivated to get to these seasons during my rewatch (which technically wouldn't be a rewatch). It's wild how I feel nothing for Shaw (she do be kinda hot tho,,,, muscles,,,,,) but I think it's mostly bc I wasn't that interested in her back then and it's been so long since I watched the show I don't remember shit about her. She'd be able to grow on me I think. Yeah I've seen a lot of posts about that "mayhem twins" dynamic around here it does sound cool. Also it's refreshing to have a male/female relationship that isn't turned into a forced romance. But I'll always have a soft spot for S1 and its four core characters.

It's nice if they have chemistry, I didn't feel like they did. Yeah I'm still disappointed that they didn't go for Rinch too. I mean come on their chemistry is so painfully obvious ! I dislike the word queer but mood pls just give me canon Rinch I'm fucking begging hhhhhhh. I'm quite sure the notion of chemistry works with non romantic relationships as well. John is definitely good with people. He looks scary and brooding but he's just a good man who wants to help people ! I love him so much and same he's my fav character of all time !! Also I love seeing him interact with kids he's so good with them. But I also love when he's being an absolute badass. Damn I always forget about Grace gkjdfkjfd I don't have anything against her though, Harold and her are cute together. (Not much into the grace/harold/john OT3 tho, I've seen it around after return 0 but :/ not my thing. But hey good for people who like it.)

I liked John and Zoe too. Even if he had chemistry with Iris it's so cringe, didn't think poi would fall as low as portraying such a relationship between a therapist and a patient. Guess that shows the decrease in quality in the later seasons. Sad they did that shit when as you said they could have showed more Rinch. Like come ooon Rinch is just. Right fucking here. Just make it canon you cowards.

Yeah fuck sad endings (John didn't die obviously) I want my men to be happy and in love and live a good life together with their dog is that too much to ask. Like sometimes I read fics with MCD bc why not but most of the time I just want happiness. Fluffy domestic Rinch is so good ! Gives me so much life. I have a soft spot for married Rinch as well. Also while we're at it let me rec this domestic fluff fic:

Yeah not surprised. And you're right don't waste your time arguing on reddit lol it's not worth it. It baffles me when people say S1 is boring like ??? Where ?? There's literally soooo many eps I love in this season !! 📣📣📣number crunch is the best ep📣📣📣 Glad they stay over on reddit with their last seasons and their shit opinions about S1 smh. Like imagine being a fan of a show and disregarding the season that created the basis of the show and developed characters and relationships. Big brain time uh

I'm quite sure validity is an actual word, and that's how it be if you like root :/ I don't make the rules :/ you're the half valid anon now 😂

Oh well I shall endure root if it's a good ep ^^

It's cool !! I love your long asks !! I hope I didn't get lost in my own reply lmao

[arpwrites]

[Arpwrites] Tarot Commissions

© | Disclaimer! | Other Commissions | Masterlists | Tip Jar

If you’re seeing this, maybe its the universe saying it’s time you got a reading 🌝From Three Cats in a Trenchcoat to @Cupid Watch Out Sweaty, I’m sure there’s a spread for your needs 🌷

Commissions are currently OPEN!

The Process

Read my legal notices here, particularly the sections pertaining to tarot and commissions. You officially agree to these terms upon payment for my services.

Contact me via the Tumblr messaging system. If you’d like to keep your blog anonymous, contact me from a new sideblog. Mains are preferred though because it helps me get a better sense of your energy.

I will confirm the booking based on the requested reading and my status. Your written confirmation that you have read and are fully aware of my legal notices is required as well. 

Fill out the form I provide you. It’ll have questions that’ll help me connect to your energy. If that doesn’t work, we may have to try something else like chatting for a bit or maybe you can send me your instagram. We'll think of something.

Send in the payment on Ko-fi if I confirm I am able to connect to your energy and you are comfortable with the level of it.

You will get your reading within three days. I will privately post it to my blog and share the link with only you.

Feedback and/or reviews are much appreciated.

What Will the Reading Include?

Here’s a sample reading using Three Cats in a Trenchcoat. Basically:

Commission details like your username, reference number etc.

Screenshots of your confirmation that you have read my legal notices as well as receipt of payment

Any special questions you may have asked as part of the request.

An image of the spread. I will be using the Prisma Visions deck by @jamesreads​. It is gorgeous and I highly recommend it.

As much detail as I am able to glean from the cards.

An overall accuracy rating and notes.

A conversation to debrief about whether the reading resonated with you, any clarifications you might need, next steps, your satisfaction, and whether I can help you with anything else.

Why Me?

I'm truthful to a fault, a lot of times to my own detriment. I won’t hesitate to tell you if I feel like I’m making up things or if the accuracy feels low. I wouldn’t claim to have a gift for tarot if I didn’t mean it. You can trust me with your personal questions, I won’t judge.

I will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I won’t sugarcoat what my cards say but I also won’t leave you feeling hopeless or worse than before. Tarot is meant to raise people’s vibrations and do good, and that is exactly what I will help you with.

Here’s what other people have to say.

How Does Tarot Work?

Tarot cards are a system of ‘divination,’ i.e., inference, based on the yet unproven concept that everything in the universe has a vibrational signature and that these vibrations obey the universal law of like attracting like. ‘Everything’ extends beyond the physical dimension and includes thoughtforms and energetic complexes. Similar in principle to how horary astrology works, the idea is that the vibration of your question will attract right vibration of cards for that moment based on energies at the time. Free will exists and there are several possible perspectives and futures, so readings only hold true while factors are in stasis and depend on the ability of the reader to strengthen and tune into these energies.

Remember!

Tarot interpretation is personal, intuitive and nuanced. Don’t compare card draws from one reader to another because meanings of cards are subjectively assigned by the deck user. Do not research your tarot reader’s card draws on your own and infer your own meaning, it will likely lead you to wrong assumptions. Only do so if your tarot reader recommends it because what matters most is their meaning of the card. 

Do not use tarot as your sole decision making tool – it is advice, not fact. Tarot is not well suited for precise, close-ended questions. It works best when the intent is for one’s highest good, and the questions are open-ended and introspective in nature.

It is best to enquire about events that will occur soon since tarot readings pick up on current energies. It will be a waste to enquire about far off events since there are a multitude of factors at play and the reading will most likely be void by the time it happens.

Please Note

I cannot do readings about subjects in which I have no knowledge. So for example, I can’t do questions on financial investments because I have no idea how that system works so I can’t overlay it onto my cards to read them. 

I tend to ask for more detail about their situation while I read. This is because every card has thousands of meanings based on the context so I’ll need clarification to ensure I’m communicating the message correctly. Sometimes the extra detail doesn’t help. In that case, I’ll offer all possible interpretations and ask which one resonates best.

My deck spits out as many cards as it wants regardless of the actual spread. I don’t draw specific cards, I shuffle till cards fall out on their own. So, your reading will likely have more cards than advertised.

Offered Readings

These include but are not limited to the below mentioned spreads. Let me know if what you want isn’t on this list and I can make a custom reading for your needs in the same price range. 

Three Cats in a Trenchcoat for $3. As the name gives away, a minimum of 3 cards are drawn for a short insight or to gain an overview or get direction regarding a multitude of topics. Note that the relationship spreads work for platonic, familial, romantic, destined, and karmic bonds. 

General: Past | Present | Future

General: Current Situation | Obstacle | Advice

General: Situation | Action | Outcome

General: Beginning | Middle | End

General: Start | Growth | Decay

Self-discovery: Mind | Body | Spirit

Self-discovery: You | Current Path | Potential

Self-discovery: Life Purpose | What Qualities | Action

Self-discovery: Needs | Wants | Fears

Self-discovery: Past Self | Present Self | Future Self

Self-discovery: Lesson You Need | Why | Action

Past: What Worked | What Didn’t | Key Lessons

Healing: Cords to Cut | Heal your Heart | Nurture Yourself

Healing: Be Aware | Remember | Let Go

Future: Aspiration | Obstacle | Solution

Future: What Helps | What Hinders | Unrealized Potential

Relationship: Intentions | Trustworthy? | Advice

Relationship: Teach Me | Need from Me | Relationship

Relationship: You | The Other Person | Nature of Relationship

Relationship: Soulmate? | Need to Know | Will it Last?

Relationship: Your Wants | Their Wants | Where It’s Heading

Relationship: Strength | Weakness | Obstacle

Relationship: Pulls Together | Pushes Apart | Needs Attention

Relationship: Conflict | Areas of Agreement | Resolution

Relationship: Outer Conflict | Inner Conflict | Relationship

Relationship: Real Issue | Next Action | Ultimate Destination

Conflict: The Nature of a Problem | The Cause | The Solution

Conflict: False Issue | Real Issue | Your Role

Conflict: Why | What | Resolution

Decision-making: Strengths | Weaknesses | Advice

Decision-making: Opportunities | Challenges | Outcome

Decision-making: Yes Outcome | No Outcome | Maybe Outcome

Decision-making: Option 1 | Option 2 | Option 3

Decision-making: Solution 1 | Solution 2 | How to Choose

Decision-making: Best Case | Worst Case | Probable Outcome

Decision-making: Choice | Pros | Cons

Career: Hobby | Possible Career Development | First Step

Career: Opportunities | Distractions | Action

Career: Job Positives | Job Negatives | Change - to +

Career: Pros of Quitting | Cons | Advice

Career: New Career Suggestion | Advice | Outcome of Quitting

The Monster Inside for $6. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to identify the darkest aspect of your self, the area of your life it most affects, your inner demon, how you understand/accept/heal from it, what actions you can take to overcome it and grow, and the possible outcome.

Love Me, Love Me Not for $9. A minimum of 6 cards are drawn to see how your crush feels about you, whether a relationship would work, how to attract them, how dating them would be, whether you should confess, and whether they’ll play a special role in your life.

Knock Knock. It’s the Universe, Asshole for $9. As many cards as required will be drawn to know what the universe thinks you need to know at this moment. What does it want to tell you? What advice does it have for you? 

I’m BTS’s XXX for $9. This reading is strictly for fun and entertainment purposes! As many cards as required will be drawn to see what kind of relationship you’d have which your chosen member of BTS and how you’d meet if your paths were to cross. 

Yoda on the Loose for $12. A minimum of 10 cards are drawn for general advice about yourself, your mind, body, spirit, friends and family, romance, hobbies, career, finances, and challenges.

It’s My Year, Bitches for $15. A minimum of 12 cards are drawn for your previous year in summary, what you’ve learned from the past year, what you aspire to in the next twelve months, what empowers you to reach it, what may stand in your way, relationships and emotions in the upcoming year, career and work and finances, health and well-being, spiritual energy and inner fulfillment, what you need to focus on for the year ahead, most important lesson in the upcoming year, and where you’re headed overall in the coming twelve months. Well suited for birthdays and New Year’s.

Know Thyself to Know the Universe for $21. A minimum of 15 cards are drawn to find out your best and worst qualities, what makes you attractive, your needs and wants, how you love and how you need to receive love, the type of partner that would best fit you, the key lesson you’re supposed to learn in this lifetime, and your purpose of existence.

@Cupid Watch Out Sweaty for $30. A minimum of 20 cards are drawn for an in-depth relationship spread about the true you in context of your role in the relationship, the true them, how they see you, how you see them, the past of the relationship if applicable, where it stands now, what lies in store for the future, what brings you together, what pulls you apart, your wants, their needs, challenges, how to love each other etc.

Let me know if you have any questions! I look forward to reading for you :^)

Sources: Several spreads are by Biddy Tarot, My Wandering Fool, Lunar Cafe, Self Tarot while others are my own. Do not steal my spreads, ask me for permission first.

Note: Do not use the copy from this post for personal or commercial purposes. Use it as a guideline to write your own with visible, explicit credit that has a working link back to this blog.

[artofloveliness]

Rule #5 on Being Lovely: Don’t play hard to get.  Be hard to get.  Have standards—real, good ones—and stick to them.  Bend them for nobody.

Molly-Ten-Years-Ago loved this rule.  Molly-Today loves this rule.  Molly-Over-The-Past-Ten-Years wanted to live by this rule…but of course, that’s not how this story goes.

Mostly because she didn’t understand Rule #5.  As I’ve said before, Molly-Ten-Years-Ago was a strict lady, but she didn’t always know her target and what lies beyond.  Truthfully, I only recently began to understand what the rule means and how to institute it now.

Arguably, the hardest part about having legitimate standards, that Young Molly never could have warned her future selves about, is that you cannot help the acute disappointment you endure when someone walks away because of them.

Did I overestimate my own worth?

Am I not good enough for my own standards?

Did this person not believe my value was worth the rules I set in place?

The next hardest part is that you want to bend your rules to convince the person who walked away that you are in fact worthy of said rules.  I have done this so many times, in order to give someone the time and space to see what I knew to be true about my own worth.

But therein lies the danger!  This is the trick that has taken me years to catch on to!

When we allow someone into our lives who does not meet our standards, we have actually taught this person that they can have unfettered access to our peace.  Even though they may not want it.

And, regrettably, they absolutely will treat us as such.

Which brings us to Rule #5.  It has been incredibly tempting for me to write this as a what-to-look-for-in-others type of post.  And once again, that causes me to endure days of writer’s block…which probably means that it is not in fact what my heart feels called to discuss.

What my heart does feel called to discuss is somewhat counterintuitive, at first glance, which is what took me so long to figure out!  Rule #5 is so lovely because at its core is the truth that having standards actually allows you to accept others as they are.

How can that be, Molly?  It feels mean (dare I say, un-lovely?) to say that someone doesn’t meet my standards.  Isn’t that a cruel way to interact with others?

To which I will say: No, my friend.

First, I want to say the reason we might feel mean instituting our own standards, is because we know how hard it was for us to meet them ourselves!  That being said, ideally, the standards you create are standards to which you hold yourself (read: they are humanly possible).

Next, I’d like for us to look at it this way: when I bring someone into my life who, at present, does not clear the bar I have set for myself, what I am actually doing is deciding for them that they will change later, while enabling the behaviors they exhibit which do not meet my standards.

This is another way we do a disservice to ourselves and to the other person in the scenario.  Just like with Rule #4, we have chosen to make the decision for the other party.

What decision is that, Molly?

Well, I am so glad you asked.

The decision the new party must make is whether or not they are willing to accept the terms and conditions of a relationship (romantic or platonic) with you.  And when you ingratiate someone into your life who very clearly does not meet your standards, you have made the decision for them, that they must change what they might actually not be willing to change.

When it comes to allowing others into our lives, we get to assess what they bring to the table (and they should be doing the same of us!).

A great set of basic standards might look something like this:

Must have a job, contribute to their place of living, and be able to support themselves

Demonstrates integrity

No criminal record or drug use

Emotionally, physically, and financially responsible

Introspective

Knows how to mitigate conflict

Wants to improve themselves to be their best

Is conscious of and working through their issues

Notice that each of these points depicts a person who will not only build themselves up, but is on a trajectory that could grow upward with yours, instead of detracting from your momentum.

Notice also that each point on this list does NOT dictate to someone’s appearances, personal preferences, viewpoints, religious beliefs, passions, et cetera, et cetera.  If these are items that you feel inclined to add, you may do so, in a compassionate manner.

As we come to know ourselves, and who we want to be, and how we want to be, Rule #5 becomes crucial.  Our growth and development does not occur in a vacuum.  We do not exist in a world devoid of the human condition.

And remaining true to the changes we want to see in ourselves can become challenging in the face of those we choose to spend time with, especially when they do not wish to meet these basic requirements.

So we must be selective and careful about who we choose to engage.  Romantically.  And platonically.

Because the people we surround ourselves with ultimately become representatives for us.  Our friends and significants teach the world how to view us as individuals.

Even more importantly, our chosen circle shows others how they are permitted to treat us.  Or behave around us.

Our standards beget our treatment.

Molly-Over-The-Past-Ten-Years allowed people into her life that affected her more than she wanted to see.  Because Molly-Over-The-Past-Ten-Years didn’t like to disappoint others by walking away or guarding her self.

She spent a lot of time with a variety of people.  Some good; many not-so-good.

She grew close with the people who have built her up.  She spent too much time with others that tore her down.  And she entertained some who exhausted her spirit entirely.

And what’s important to note is that each of these people is entitled to their own path, their own decisions, and their own behaviors.  Without pressure from me to exist in a particular manner.

But so was I.

And the meaning of this rule is that I am also entitled to hold people as close to, or as far from, me as I deem fit.  And doing so is not a cruelty, rather an acceptance of what may or may not come.

Because not everyone deserves the same access to you, your heart, and-or your time.  And those who choose to walk away from you in the face of your standards, are showing you that they would indeed take you for granted, either as a friend or a partner.

We’ll talk about boundaries in my next post.  But there is a quote I love about boundaries, that applies here, as well:

"The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none."

Your standards should not feel like a standoff, where the person who caves first has to cater to the other’s whims.  They are your guards.  And they help you to discern when someone does or does not make the cut to certain levels of your life.

Your standards should be systems that you set in place to help you achieve your goals.  And anyone who stands in the way of your doing so (whether by the way they treat you, their lifestyle, their habits, or their intentions) should not enjoy the privilege of You.

From now on, I will only allow someone into my world that can match my enthusiasm and zeal for life.  Because this rule is about being so focused on meeting your standards and achieving your goals that you simply cannot undersell yourself.

This rule is about standing firm in your worth, and believing in the quality, not the quantity, of individuals who will choose to meet your expectations.

This rule is about knowing how hard it is to meet your standards, because you endured the challenge of them yourself!

This rule is about accepting that some individuals may want access to your life, but will not be granted such access until they make the choice to shape up.

So, let’s wrap this up:

What are systems you have set in place to help you live your best life?

How do these systems translate to the standards you hold yourself to?

When have you allowed someone into your life that may not have honored your standards?

How do you help the people in your life to honor their own standards?

[psychedelicpharmaceutical]

Your bestfriend is not being a good friend at all.

Everyone has responsibilities and duties to their romantic and platonic relationships.

Someone's partner shouldn't take the place of their friend and their friend shouldn't take the place of their partner.

People need to learn to time manage and dedicate their time as deserved to their friendships. Your partner should not be the center of your world while you neglect every other relationship in your life. That is how you lose friendships. Not to mention that its extremely unhealthy. You need to be your own person outside of being someone's girlfriend/partner. You need to have a life outside of a romantic relationship and you do that by having friends you can talk about things unrelated to your romantic relationships.

What your friend is doing to you is really, really shitty.

The unfortunate thing about people who are extremely centered obsessed on their partners is that you are put in the back of their mind up until they break up with them or they need someone to complain to when their partner upsets them. I will tell you from experience that that type of "friendship" with someone is extremely draining and not fair to you personally. Platonic relationships require just as much effort, time, and reciprocity to maintain as romantic relationships do and if one starts neglecting it, you will eventually get tired of being used and have a fall out.

Advice: either tell your friend straight up that their lack of effort, neglect, and apathy to both of your guys' friendship is upsetting and hurtful to you or just distance yourself from the start.

Do not let it get to the point where it's no longer pain but it has instead turned into anger and resentment from your part about the deteriorating friendship situation. I've seen it happen way too many times and if you continue to allow someone to only use you to rant or talk about nothing else but their partner without even talking to you as their friend or to even send you a friendly check up text, it will start to become exhausting and annoying for you personally.

Perhaps she isn't even doing it on purpose, perhaps she hasn't even noticed that she's being rude and neglectful of her platonic relationships. If you're brave enough to talk to her about it, do so soon.

Like I said, one should not forget or neglect their friends 'cause fact of the matter is relationship problems occur and relationships end. Who will you have when your relationship ends or when you're having issues and when you turn to look back you realise you no longer have people you can talk to because you failed to make the effort to talk to or care about your friends since a very long time?

Best of luck and I hope you talk to your friend and can get to an agreement or understanding. Don't let your feelings about it fester. <3

I never thought about it that way.

I suppose I hadn’t considered that it was even a possibility for her to make time for me. I just assumed that there wasn’t enough room in her heart for me and her partner, and that I had to bite the bullet and pack up.

But you’re right, managing romantic relationships and friendships is a skill. Looking back on my romantic relationships, I know I made a deliberate choice to continue spending quality time with friends because I didn’t want to neglect those relationships. I wish she would do the same for me.

I also really appreciate you bringing up what the future of our relationship could look like if this problem continues. I am starting to feel drained. That post I made was essentially like dipping my toe into the pool of resentment.

So, I think you’re right, I need to find the courage to talk to her about this. She was the closest relationship of my life for four years, I’d like to honor that bond by making an earnest attempt to fix this, or at the very least address it.

Thank you for taking the time to share you perspective and wisdom with me. I really appreciate it. You’re actually the only person I’ve spoken to about this, so I feel very fortunate to have been given such a thoughtful response. That was very kind of you. If you ever need to rant or get anything off your chest, I’m all ears! <3

[danijimenezv]

Courting Advice

Prompt: Mistletoe

Characters: Reader, Peter Parker, Thor Odinson

Warnings: None, I think

Word Count: 2002 words

A/N: This was written for Kari ( @until-theend-oftheline ) and Ida ( @sebs-potato) 12 Marvelous Days of Christmas Challenge. It is thought as a series, the seventh part to ‘A Very Marvelous Christmas’, but each part can be read as a stand-alone. Most of the fics are going to be platonic/friendship. Special thanks to @missflashgeek for all the help! Feedback is really appreciated, I’d love to hear what you think of it!

Y/N looked around cautiously as she walked down the sidewalk, tugging Thor’s arm so he would follow her pace. Thor studied their surroundings as well, but he had a much impassive expression than her; whether she looked worried and alert, Thor looked attentive but unconcerned. She pulled her jacket closer to her and kept her head slightly down, not wanting to get noticed, while Thor seemed untroubled by the cold.

“I think it’s here.” she muttered, eyeing the apartment complex with distrust, “At least it’s where Peter’s location leads us.”

“Then what are we waiting?” Thor encouraged.

“Thor, wait…” she stopped him, “Aren’t you worried?”

“Worried? Not even a little. Why would I be?”

“Because… we don’t know what might be inside.”

“Humans?” he deadpanned, raising an eyebrow, as if wondering if his friend had suddenly lost her mind, “Y/N, are you feeling well?”

“I’m being serious. Peter said it was an emergency. Something could’ve happened.”

“Maybe.” he shrugged, “But if you ask me, it looks quite normal.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, not understanding how Thor could be so carefree. They quickly entered inside the building and followed the instructions Peter had sent her to get to his home, taking a flight of stairs to get to the right apartment. People on the halls stared at them as they walked, or more like stared at Thor, who in return smiled kindly at each and every stranger. 

Once they reached the correct door, she knocked and waited with bated breath. When Peter finally opened the door, she inspected him from head to toe and sighed in relief when she declared he was perfectly fine and healthy. Peter was about to smile in greeting, when he suddenly noticed the other Avenger behind her, and his face fell, a slight pink color now covering his cheeks.

“You brought Thor?! Why?!”

Thor frowned softly, cocking his head to one side in confusion. Y/N raised an eyebrow, not understanding either why it was a big deal.

“Peter, you called for help, we came. Was that not what we were supposed to do?” Thor asked.

Peter simply sighed and buried his head in his hands, shaking it in disbelief. Without anything else to add, he stepped aside to let them both in. He was thankful Aunt May had left a few minutes prior to their arrival. He could’ve made an excuse for Y/N being there, something to do with the Stark Internship, but with Thor it would’ve been a completely different story. May would’ve freaked out with two other Avengers there in her house, and if May freaked out, Peter freaked out.

“This is a nice place.” Thor complimented, “Quite homely.”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks.” Peter answered dismissively.

“Peter, what’s the problem?” Y/N approached him and place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“No offense, but I was kinda hoping you would come alone, not with Thor.”

“The others were busy, so I came for backup, should she need it.” Thor explained, pointing to Y/N with his chin, “It is never a good idea to go alone.”

“What is it?”

“I just...” Peter looked down in embarrassment and lowered his voice, “I need advice with a girl.”

“Sorry?” the two other Avengers furrowed their eyebrows, “We didn’t catch that.”

“I said, I need advice with a girl.”

That statement caused Y/N and Thor to raise their eyebrows, clearly not expecting that at all. A single laugh of disbelief escaped past Y/N’s lips, while Thor smiled kindly at the boy.

“Peter, Jesus Christ, are you serious?”

“Dead serious, Y/N.” he grumbled.

“You said it was an emergency!” she exclaimed, shaking her head in amusement, “We’re Avengers. What else was I supposed to think when you said it was an emergency?”

“Okay, maybe I should’ve specified.”

“You think?”

“But please help me. I don’t know what to do.”

Y/N sighed, but agreed with a soft smile on her face. Now that she knew for sure that there was no imminent danger there and he was completely fine, she could help him with his issue.

“We’ll help you.”

“Fortunately, I’m quite the expert on the matter.” Thor grinned.

“Uh-huh.” Y/N rolled her eyes, knowing what a disaster that could be, “What’s the setting?”

“There’s a Christmas party at one of my classmates’ house.” Peter started, “And she told me she was going and that she hoped to see me there.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Except every time I see her, I make a fool of myself.”

“It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Last time, I offered to carry her books–”

“Aww.”

“No, not aww.” Peter denied, “I tripped and let all her books fall on the floor.”

Y/N grimaced, while Thor tried to cover up his loud laughter with coughs.

“And before that, I tried to open the door for her but pulled it too fast and ended up accidentally hitting her.”

At that, Thor couldn’t hold it in anymore, and his laughter boomed throughout the whole apartment. Even Y/N chuckled, while Peter groaned, mortified. When both of them calmed down enough, they turned to the younger lad.

“We’ll help you.” Thor assured him.

“But first, we need to pick an outfit for that party.” Y/N stated, “Because I’m not letting you go in that pizza shirt.”

“What is wrong with my pizza shirt?”

“…We’re gonna pick something else.” she pulled a face, “And Thor can wait here in the living room for now, right, Thor?”

He didn’t look too happy with that arrangement, but he didn’t have much choice but to agree with Y/N. As he settled on one of the couches, Y/N followed Peter through the apartment, until they finally got to his room. Immediately, she went to his closet and, opening it widely, inspected everything the guy owned. She finally found a white button down at the end of his closet, and she pulled it out with a triumphant expression on her face.

“Strip,” she ordered casually.

A squeak-like sound escaped past Peter’s lips, his eyes widening impossibly, and he started stuttering unintelligibly. Y/N hadn’t noticed how bad her previous command had sounded until her brain registered Peter’s reaction, and she gasped, scandalized.

“For God’s sake, Peter, I didn’t mean it like that! You’re just a kid, Jesus!” she raised her voice, “I’m older than you, and I have a boyfriend, remember?!”

“I do, I do!” he was quick to reply, “Sorry! It just took me by surprise!”

“God, I swear I didn’t mean it like that. You’re like my little brother…” she pinched the bridge of her nose, “What I meant was, take off the pizza tee and try this one on.” she handed him the white shirt, “Keep the black jeans on.”

Y/N waited patiently until Peter did as he was told and he changed out of his previous shirt. Once he was done buttoning the shirt, she quickly rolled up the sleeves of the shirt until they reached below his elbows, giving the look a more casual but still stylish vibe. She took a few steps back to examine him, with a wide grin on her face.

Once Y/N was finally pleased with Peter's appearance, she led him back to the living room where Thor was waiting for them. More like, snooping around the house and looking through personal belongings. When he heard the footsteps, though, he placed everything back on its place and sat on the couch. 

“Well, what do you think?” Y/N asked, presenting Peter with a triumphant smile. She honestly loved what she did with him. He looked adorable. Well, adorable to her, probably really cute to the girl he was trying to impress.

“Young Peter... Let me tell you a story about my home, Asgard.” the blonde began.

They both knew that there was no interrupting Thor when he began a story, so they both took a seat on the couch adjacent to the man.

“When a man likes a woman, there are very specific courtship rules that should be followed. Relationships are sacred. And, as such, rules have to be respected. The first thing a man does to show interest in a certain woman, something you might implement, is presenting her with a dead animal.”

“A what?!” Peter inquired worriedly.

“A dead animal that you, yourself, hunted. You have to go out into the wilderness. You find the biggest animal of the pack and kill it. When you’re done, you leave it inside her chambers. That way, the moment she wakes up, she knows she has a suitor.” Thor smiled after that statement, as if presenting someone with roadkill would make them feel special under any circumstances.

Peter was currently covering his mouth with his hand, in order not to laugh at the ridiculous way of getting a woman. 

“Well, Thor, I’m sure Peter appreciates the thought but I don’t–” Y/N tried to interfere, but was cut off by the Asgardian.

“Halt. That is not the entire tradition.” he shook his head, “When the woman knows there’s a potential suitor and she’s interested, she must offer an invitation to come to meet her family. But, there’s a catch, the man must show up at her front door at night. And, he must spend the entire night waiting for her, outside. It’s not until the next morning that he’s welcomed inside for breakfast.”

He looked like a philosophy professor, sitting there and sharing details about ancient traditions that were borderline outdated. Expect for the long blonde hair and muscular physique, of course.

“That’s great but–” Peter tried once again to stop the man from rambling on and on, but Thor wasn't having it. He wanted to finish his story.

“Then, you have to fight for her hand. You have to fight a Bilgesnipe, to prove yourself worthy of her.”

“A what?” Peter’s eyes widened.

“A Bilgesnipe. A repulsive creature, huge, scaly, with big antlers.”

“Thor, we don’t have Bilgesnipes here.”

“Well, then he must find one to battle.” Thor replied, with an obvious tone, “Lastly, if the family of the woman you’re courting deems you worthy of her hand, there will be a ball. At such ball, everyone wears fancy clothing, there’s a banquet and, most importantly, there’s the Asgardian Courting Dance. The man must wear these fancy garments of bright colors and peculiar design. And then, the dance consists of hopping around the woman, while making these sound–”

This time it was Y/N who stopped him, but this time she made it clear that she wasn't joking.

"Okay, I think that’s enough Asgardian culture for today!” she exclaimed, “This is the 21st century, Thor. We don’t gift people with dead animals. We don’t make a poor guy stay outside in the chilly air. And, we don’t humiliate people by wearing extravagant dresses or doing strange dances.” she clarified.

“How else is he supposed to court the girl?”

“I assure you, not like that.” she shook her head, “Peter, you said it was a Christmas party, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then it’s pretty easy.” Y/N shrugged, “Just use the old, but reliable, mistletoe trick.”

“The what?”

“The mistletoe trick. It’s really simple, and it almost always works.” she explained, “The tradition says that when two people are standing under the mistletoe, they have to kiss.”

“That sounds ridiculous.” Thor rolled his eyes.

“Really? You think the mistletoe is ridiculous? Not the ‘fighting the Bilgesnipe’ part?” she suppressed her laughter, shaking her head before turning to face Peter, “My point is, just lead her under a mistletoe casually, and then point out you two are under the mistletoe. If she’s into you, she won’t refuse a kiss.” Peter’s cheeks flared up betrayingly, “And then you take it from there. Be your usual adorable self.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” he said gratefully.

“For the record, I still think he should perform the Asgardian Courting Dance.”

“We know, Thor.” Y/N chuckled, standing up and looking down at Peter, “Come on, kid, we’ll give you a ride to the party. And I'll give you some other advice on the way.”

Tags: @until-theend-oftheline, @sebs-potato, @missflashgeek, @thinkwritexpress-official, @sebbytrash, @captainrogerss, @a-little-hell-to-raise, @peculiar-persephone, @becs-bunker, @feelmyroarrrr, @scarlettsoldier, @docharleythegeekqueen, @sillesworldofwriting @cd1242, @mizzezm, @xxloki81xx

[flyswhumpcenter]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card!

This story was written to respond to a request made by @antimondes (for some reason it won’t tag you, thank you Tumblr for being a dysfunctional piece of shit)! It was a very wild ride (waaaaaay too wild) and it has 75% chances to be out of character shit, but I hope you’ll like it nonetheless! It was still very fun to experiment with Tenn for the first time. I hope you don’t mind me setting it in my Takanashi Residence AU!

Bitter Words and Sour Tears

Summary:  The tensions between Tamaki and Tenn expended to the entire Takanashi Residence, taking their toll on siblings and their links between them. Iori just happens to be there with an outside view, and as a man of secrets.

Fandom: IDOLiSH7 Ship: Iori/Tenn (can be read as platonic)

Wordcount: 2K words

Event organized by @badthingshappenbingo

AO3 version available here.

They had always been kind of distant, even they were linked through Riku Nanase, before that one event. It was more of a professional relationship in a way: it was a mutual, doubtful respect. They didn’t trust each other very much: while they knew the other wouldn’t try to harm them, it still felt like a chore to be around each other.

The thing was: Kujou was Nanase’s twin brother. As soon as they found each other again after a few years of outside shenanigans, including Kujou getting adopted by another family and becoming an idol, he had come to the residence much more frequently.

 To be fair, Iori was always overly suspicious of visitors coming to the residence, especially if they came around this often. The perks of being part of such a tight-knit colocation was that everybody knew everybody, including the related strangers. How many times had he seen Yotsuba’s little sister too? Apparently, she lived with the Kujous too.

After a while, however, he had come to appreciate these two siblings coming over to the residence, despite the tension between Kujou and Yotsuba over Aya. He always felt like he needed to be near them in case a fight exploded between the two of them, knowing Yotsuba’s impulsive nature and Kujou’s dry and cold demeanour around anyone who wasn’t his twin brother.

 Watching Tenn Kujou be around Nanase was a way to make him empathize even more with his own big brother. Through the pink eyes of the professional singer, he could see Mitsuki’s instincts: the concern, the empathy, the thoughts and the speaking patterns of the older sibling.  It was almost a social commentary from him, at times: he stood there, nearby, ears wide opened and eyes looking at the scene.

As far as he knew, Kujou had thought for the longest time that Mitsuki was the younger brother and Iori was the older brother, a common misconception solely based on height. However, as soon as Mitsuki spoke about hom, Kujou had seemed to instantly understand he was facing someone with a deep common point with him. Ever since, he had noticed somewhat of a vitriolic complicity, a rivalry in who was the best big brother. Kind of childish, but it proved Kujou wasn’t just a very advanced android Nanase was calling his brother.

 After a couple months of seeing the weekly visits from the siblings, Iori threw his own shot at getting to know them. The topic he had in mind to come up to Kujou with was as obvious as it could possibly get: as the residence’s unofficial medical help (who was officially Nanase, but if Nanase got an attack, he couldn’t really help anyone else with their health couldn’t he?), he wanted some advice on how to monitor Nanase’s asthma better. Who else was better than the latter’s own brother to ask on the topic?

Kujou stared at him until he dropped the question. Upon that point, the older twin seemed to barely be able to retain the actual kindness he had for his sibling: he would explain in great details how to deal with every single symptom the best way possible, how to make his younger twin more comfortable when these happened, how to tell if an attack was about to happen, how to make the residence better for Nanase…

And then it delved into an impossibly long list of things the residence was faulty at being and providing, including the amount of house dust and how the room placements made it so Nanase’s room was too far from the entrance door in case he had to go to the hospital in a hurry. It was long enough for Iori himself, the man called “the Nit-pick Guy” by his classmates, to think it was nit-picking.

 Talking about Kujou was fascinating. The latter was always rich in information despite his career of being a J-pop singer with legions of fangirls at his feet. He’d usually say the residence was a good place to avoid paparazzi and obnoxious, voyeur journalists. Not only was it where his little brother was living surrounded by his friends: it was also fairly unknown and drown in the urban landscape, making it a place where people starving for private information would never even try finding said information in.

They sympathized over Nanase in general, how he was a ray of sunshine with heavy health issues which needed to be cared for, but it didn’t stop there. Speaking to the other revealed they weren’t that different: a similar frank speech style, an unordinary amount of talents and skills and, last but not least, a will to help and protect the people they cared about. This was the most relatable part they could find in each other, the click that made Iori think “we could be more than acquaintances”.

 Alas, the tranquillity of these visits stopped dead in its tracks on one fateful day. It all started with the tensions around Aya: Yotsuba and Kujou disagreed heavily on whether she should have been allowed to visit her brother on her own or if she had to be accompanied by Kujou. The other inhabitants of the residence didn’t dare stepping in, fearing it would backfire on them.

It escalated to Yotsuba throwing a violent fit, a fit only stopped by Aya telling her brother not to hit her other brother. In the end, it got broken off by Osaka and Nikaido, but it had been a close call. Ever since, Yotstuba and Kujou had been forbidden to be near each other unless someone was next to them.

 This was, however, only the beginning of a snowball effect: people were always weary whenever the Kujous visited because of this incident. Even Mitsuki had grown somewhat distant, just in case it’d be considered taking sides to remain with one or the other when Kujou was around.

Only Nanase didn’t mind, always happy to see his brother visit him, but the visits also became rarer and rarer as a result of the growing tensions. Once a week became once every two weeks, which in turn became once a month. This was obviously saddening Nanase and Yotsuba, but as far as Iori knew, it also had taken a toll on the visitors.

 He was reading a report for college when someone knocked at his door. He had been a bit unaware of his surroundings because of his approaching exams, so the noise slightly took him aback. In fact, he had been so surprised, he had gotten up to open the door instead of just saying “yes” to this unknown visitor. He could beneficiate from a break anyway.

His surprised turned astonishment when he opened the door to Tenn Kujou’s saddened frown, shining eyes and arms wrapped around himself.

 “Mind if I come in, Izumi…?”

Concern washing all over him, Iori replied with his heart.

“Not at all. Please come in”, he gestured as he closed the door behind them.

 Almost like a robot, Kujou sat down on the bed, looking down on the ground. It was kind of an awkward silence between the two of them: Iori didn’t really know what to say, since he didn’t know what had caused Kujou to seem so depressed. So, huh… He’d just have to pop the uncomfortable question.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he sat down on the bed, around ten centimetres away from him.

There was no response for a few, lead-heavy moments. Just silence and the beginning of a weep.

“Do you… mind me venting for a bit…? I don’t want to burden Riku with this… you’re the closest second option I have right now…”

“Go ahead. I’ll keep it a secret if you want it to be so.”

 Kujou slightly rose his head, but not high enough for his bang not to hide half of his face.

“I may have strained Yotsuba and Aya’s relationship because of my tense links with him…”

Iori didn’t say anything back. He just listened like he’d listen to Mitsuki venting, to Nanase’s thoughts and to Takanashi’s ideas for the residence, with a wise ear open for suggestions and reassuring words to be told.

“I’m only noticing now how much this has impacted Riku and Aya. I should have thought everything out more before the situation got this way…”

Kujou sniffed slightly before resuming.

“I’m aware this got out of hand because I couldn’t control myself around Yotsuba. It’s all my fault if I have to see Aya so afraid to ask me if we can go see her brother and if Riku is so sad whenever I visit. It’s become bittersweet for everyone involved… I’m sorry.”

 Despite how calm his words and speech were, Iori could notice the ugly tears rearing their face in Kujou’s eyes. He was this close to crying.

“Until I find a way to fix everything with Yotsuba, it’ll stay that way… Don’t tell anyone, Izumi, it’ll just make things worse because Riku and Aya will start themselves himself too…”

“I did say I was going to keep this secret if you wanted.”

“Thank you for listening… You… are a man of confidence…”

 The singer’s cold and aloof demeanour suddenly broke down as he started to let his sorrow come out, crying between his hands, weeping filling the room with a damp atmosphere, as if rain had started to fall against the windows.

Kind of unable to do much, Iori immediately thought back to what his brother would do whenever he was sad. It was going to be awkward, but he leaned closer to Kujou and opened his arms, slowly wrapping them around the other man in the room.

 Instead of the rejection he expected, Kujou threw himself in his arms, almost trying lean against his chest, as he let himself express the concerns and guilt he must had had accumulated for the past weeks. This was going to stay in this room until the truth was ready to come out, so he remained silent.

Time seemed to have slowed down by half during this time. It was all silent, but he felt the strange and unfamiliar warmth of someone crying in his chest. It wasn’t what he had expected to see Kujou doing today, perhaps he was expecting nothing more than being the recipient of all the defaults of the residence again, but he didn’t mind. If it meant helping someone out, especially someone who seemed dear to a fellow resident and friend, he would serve as a shelter for a day.

 Kujou was crying silently, even if he could tell so by how damp his shirt had become. The older boy was barely letting anything out, yet it was painfully clear how hurt he was by everything he thought was his fault. In this silence, all he could hope for was for the situation to get better.

After what felt like minutes, Kujou rose his head again, eyes red and trails on his face. He slowly got out of the improvised embrace, cheeks reddened by what seemed to be both crying and embarrassment of the sudden turn of events. To be fair, Iori was embarrassed too by how bad his instincts were. Perhaps not the best potential big brother around.

 “Izumi… You’re an analytical genius, right?” he then asked.

“I am. Why so?”

“What do you think the best course of action is?”

“Find a way to peacefully patch things up with Yotsuba. This will ease tensions between you two.”

“That’s what I thought… Thank you for listening. How much do I owe you?”

“An apology to Yotsuba. I’ll try to get him to understand it’ll only be better if he makes an effort in return.”

“Got it.”

 Kujou got up from the bed and silently exited the room, closing the door behind him again. He had taken back his stance as a singer: perhaps he was already thinking on his apology.

No matter what, feeling useful and comforting for someone was nice.

[nxtheromoved]

[  inbox shenanigans  |  always accepting  ]

yivohn​ said:   What does Daeris think of her father? How about her mother, Nocturnal?

OH MAN this is about to get complicated so bear with me. I’ll start with her dad because her feelings for him are easier to unpack that for Nocturnal.

Trigger warning for mentions of childhood neglect.

Also this got long af so it’s going under a cut.

E V A N D E R

         So, even though he’s not part of her life, Daeris still knows of her dad. She still keeps tabs on him. It’s hard not to do so; he’s General Evander Urzara, a hero of the Imperial Legion and someone who is very much part of the metaphorical “glue” that holds Cyrodiil together. Word gets around, not to mention they live in the same city. But in most verses, he is unaware of her still being alive. If he knew, he would do everything he could to bring her home.

         Daeris admires him. She thinks he’s a genuine hero. But because she sees him this way, compounded with her abysmal self-perception, she doesn’t think she’s worthy to be his daughter. She believes if she were to reunite with him, he would never accept her and at best would be disgusted with her. In verses where she does reunite with him, she’s proven wrong, but she tries to hide her history with the Dark Brotherhood because she thinks him not knowing is the only reason he’s welcomed her back. But the thing is, he does know.

         It’s explained better here, but basically Molag Bal found out what Nocturnal did and didn’t like how much personal influence she could now have over the Cyrodiilic Empire, so he had one of his largest cults repetitively attack the family in an attempt to either destroy the family as a whole or drive Nocturnal away; the latter of which was successful when it became clear to Nocturnal that Daeris was their true target. Daeris’s aunt, Viatrix, was the one who suggested that “Umbra” (Nocturnal’s alias) hide Daeris with the Dark Brotherhood because her husband Letreius had familial ties within the organization and she knew the Matron of the local sanctuary, Sitha Abelas.

         Viatrix had always known where Daeris was, and though she planned on telling Evander, Nocturnal made her true identity known to her and compelled her secrecy. But after Daeris reunites with Evander, Viatrix is no longer beholden to the oath she made to Nocturnal, so she tells him what happened and pleads forgiveness. It did at first cause a rift between Daeris and Evander as he processes what he’s learned about his daughter, “wife”, and family as a whole, but it’s nothing that Daeris doesn’t write off in her mind as part of the expected adjustment period of going from strangers to family, and she remains unaware of her father’s revelation.

         Learning the truth also didn’t stop Evander from wanting Daeris to be part of his life again. Even if all of it was true, he reasoned that 1. she was indoctrinated from birth and never had a conscious choice regarding the path her life took and 2. once she did have the capacity to make that choice, she gave up being a tool for the Dark Brotherhood and is now trying to better the world. He’s decided that it’s best to not even hint at his awareness to her past because her past is something that should truly be left behind, and him acknowledging it when she seems intent on moving away from that part of her history might only serve to cause her shame. Not that he wouldn’t ever be willing to have that conversation, but it needs to be on her terms and when she feels like she’s ready to talk about it. (And once she does eventually come clean to him, it’s far more impactful for her to learn that he’s known all this time and has not once treated her differently because of it. It invalidates the fear she’s had all of her life and brings her catharsis.)

N O C T U R N A L

         Now, onto her feelings for Nocturnal, which can best be describes as a bag of cats. It’s hard to even put it into words because there are so many different aspects of their relationship. Daeris doesn’t truly know how to feel about her mother, and I’m not sure that Nocturnal even knows how she should feel for Daeris. The only thing I can say with 100% confidence is that Daeris loves her mother and Nocturnal loves her in return. But love for daedra, especially a Daedric Prince who has existed for countless millennia and has no reason to regularly indulge in an emotion that is so incredibly mortal, is beyond complicated. For a being that is wholly permanent in space and time, encountering a new emotion would be so incredibly jarring.

         Just think about it; these deities have long grown used to emotions like joy, desire, wrath, envy and the like, but these are emotions that are provoked by things encountered in every day life. Daedra have no reason to love. They don’t have families. They rarely take any form of spouse, and when they do, it is always temporary and rarely born from any loving attachment. They do not know love, and if they feel love, they cannot easily understand it. Most think such a thing beneath them as most Daedra prize self-serving goals above anything that needs to take another being into consideration, let alone put that being before themselves.

         But it’s not impossible for Daedra to feel it. They just can’t comprehend what they’re feeling, I believe. Take Clavicus Vile and Barbas as a platonic example, or Vaermina and her lover in ESO as a romantic one. Daeris doesn’t have this issue because she is a Demi-Prince who has spent her life among mortals, but Nocturnal struggles with it.

         The closest comparison I can draw is Nocturnal’s relationship with her nightingales. She has a motherly love towards her nightingales, obviously, but there’s something off about it because she is a Daedra and she doesn’t care to get genuinely attached to them. As much as she does care for her nightingales, they are finite beings, and they are not irreplaceable to her (though the ones the stay loyal to her until their deaths are taken good care of in Evergloam after their passing). A betrayal earns anger, but she cares not for the betrayer beyond that. They are nothing to her if their purpose is not aligned with hers.

         Daeris has found a similar dynamic with Nocturnal, but one that runs deeper due to their biological connection, a genuine attachment, and Nocturnal’s higher expectations for her. Nocturnal loves her daughter, but she doesn’t know how to best treat her as a daughter, if that makes any sense. She created her because she wanted a stronger, more loyal agent, but Daeris is more than that to her. Daeris grew up among mortal and has mortal expectations for her mother, but Nocturnal cannot fit that role because she is not one. And it’s a bit frustrating to Nocturnal, that her daughter finds fault in her as a mother because she doesn’t conform to ideals of motherhood that exist among what Nocturnal believes to be inferior beings, and she can’t understand what she’s done to create this dissonance.

         In Nocturnal’s mind, Daeris should care more about her growth in terms of power and her status among Nocturnal’s ranks because that’s what a daedra would care more about. Her need for maternal affection and nurturing were not things that Nocturnal had anticipated, nor could she realize that she had robbed Daeris of these things through her partial absence in her childhood because a child cannot articulate what is missing from their life; it’s only something noticed in hindsight. She doesn’t realize how she’s created resentment in Daeris until Daeris is old enough to understand why she resents her mother and tell her this. And even then, Nocturnal still doesn’t quite get it, because again, “mortals are weak and their emotions are stupid” and it’s hard for her to grasp the idea that Daeris needed Nocturnal to put her before her own goals; an idea of selflessness that is completely foreign to the higher ranks of the Daedra. Not that she isn’t trying to understand, but there’s a lot of shit that needs to be fixed between them because for so long she believed her daughter (and herself) to be a more perfect, problem-less being than she was.

         Daeris is fairly tolerant to Nocturnal’s behavior nowadays, but I think that’s because once she got past her rage and grew closer to her mother, she began to understand how Nocturnal genuinely struggled to comprehend what life was like for her. She refuses to excuse it and wants to make things better between them, but just like Nocturnal, she doesn’t know how to make things better. There’s no quick fix to teaching a daedra how they’re supposed to behave towards others in an unselfish manner, or even how to be towards their children. It’s even harder to convince her that mortal interests are worthwhile beyond how they can service daedra. In that regard, she’s frankly just grateful that Nocturnal doesn’t interfere with her interests or try to micromanage her life. Still, she believes that they’ll reach some semblance of a normal relationship one day, though it will undoubtedly take years of work on both of their parts. At least Nocturnal is willing to try.

         In most verses their relationship is still incredibly strong in spite of its many faults and is complicated at worst. But in ESO, it becomes permanently fractured. Nocturnal believed that Daeris would put her plans and the opportunity to gain power for both of them before her cares within the mortal realm. She saw no problem with acting against her friends, her lover, and everything Daeris cared about because she believed Daeris had simply been misguided and was a nudge away from returning to her “right” path. She knew that Veya corrupting Dawnbreaker would lead to Darien sacrificing himself to cleanse it, and she believed that doing away with Daeris’s strongest attachment would give her no more reason to fight against her in defense of Tamriel.

         She was wrong. While Daeris was conflicted before, she was now set firmly against her mother. She refuses to forgive her for what occurred, and their relationship is likely fracture beyond any hope of repair. Nocturnal has tried. She wants Daeris at her side again, but she cannot admit she was wrong. Even if she did, would it really help? She realizes that she may never earn her forgiveness, but still she watches over her in the shadows, even though Daeris actively works to undermine her now by hunting down those who spread her influence or take part in her schemes.

         The sad irony is I believe this forced separation on Daeris’s part helps Nocturnal understand even more why she was wrong to leave her with the Dark Brotherhood as a child, and not from the standpoint of she would have likely remained loyal had she not grown attached to the mortal world, but because she’s started to understand how Daeris needed her and how her being mostly absent deeply affected her. In trying to understand why her daughter turned on her, she discovers what truly went wrong, and it was her fault. She created a daughter that was half-mortal, but she didn’t view her as such. She was unable to recognize how Daeris had grown so attached to mortals because she had for so long ignored the fact that part of Daeris was one of them. And she regrets that.

         If she had a chance to do things differently, she wouldn’t change the circumstances of Daeris’s creation. She wouldn’t change the part of her that was mortal. She would keep her firmly at her side from birth, and she wouldn’t ever use her. Though she created her with the intent that she would be her agent, she regrets ever seeing her as anything other than her daughter, and losing Daeris has caused guilt and shame beyond her failed conquest of the Crystal Tower. Only now that she’s lost her has Nocturnal realized how much she truly loved her daughter.

[nicolecalendar]

OC info

Some info on my OCs

They all live in a place named "Moonside Valley" but another key location that will be mentioned at one point is a city named Sweethill.

Pepper: Soft, jolly and naive, mostly likes to talk to his friends and people he cares about like Monara, and his boyfriend, Strag. He owns a magical amulet that throughout history manifested via people's dreams.

Strag: Has strong anger issues but Pepper helps him calm down when angered. Outside of his bf, he primarily spends time with Monara, she's his best friend but he doesn't want her to be satisfied by that knowledge so he never under any circumstances would admit to it. He had a very caring and good mother, because of that, he has a lot of respect for mothers and makes sure to keep his emotions in check when speaking to one.

Monara: She's sassy and enjoys using her sass to mess with people, but she will help out her friends if asked. She owns a magical shop named "Monara’s Magic Mansion" where she primarily sells gag items but also actual magical artefacts. She knows how to cast a few magic spells that her talking book Jeffery was willing to teach her. Has a crush on Mira. She is absolutely terrified of Ontropius so she chooses not to mess with him.

Mira: Playful and active, but motherly. She used to be a thief in the 1600s due to poverty, but she got overconfident once, resulting in her becoming an immortal insect-like mutant. The effects of the mutation have been undone during modern times thanks to Pepper's amulet, however, patches of green pigment remain on her skin, but are much softer than her regular skin. Before getting into a relationship with Ontropius, she went on few dates with Monara, though they were never officially dating.

Ontropius: He has a tough exterior, but is actually very soft and emotional. He's somehow very good at video games, Souls-likes being his favourite. Back when Mira was first mutated, he was assigned by his father, King Lael II, to guard a magical gate to make sure Mira would not enter it if she were to arrive, he was given an immortality potion to be able to guard the portal for as long as he needs to. The effects of the potion were also nullified by Pepper's amulet meaning that from that point his ageing would continue as normal.

Ayil: She's strong and supportive, is the tallest out of all of my OCs. In the 1600s, Alongside her girlfriend, Violet, she worked as muscles for a secret organisation named "The Midnight Star" which wished to abolish Monarchy in the land and establish Democracy. She started doing work at around 17 due to money problems in her family. She carries around a flintlock pistol loaded with only the powder to scare off any violent opposition.

Violet: Timid and anxious, but generally joyful, she joined The Midnight Star after Ayil has been working for it for about 2 years. She had a rough time growing up as her father died of an eye infection when she was only 5 and her mother became abusive, some of that abuse leading to her developing claustrophobia. To cope she would often meditate and practice martial arts, that skill coming useful for her job. She chose to not wear any proper footwear to stay as least lethal in combat as possible. During an encounter, she and Ayil got themselves trapped inside a magical ring, that ring would find its way being pawned off to King Lael II, where it would be kept in his treasury before being found centuries later by Ontropius exploring the castle.

Clair: Mostly non-verbal towards the majority of people, except his parents and his best friend, Opal. He's Pepper and Strag's biological son because of amulet magic. No one can really tell his gender just by looking at him because his face is covered most of the time and his clothes are extremely baggy. His lack of communication skill with strangers caused him to feel lonely most of the time. At first, he didn't actually talk to Opal but he did take a strong, platonic, liking to her. Opal noticed it, and to ease him into communication, she first suggested that he would use a whiteboard where he would draw and write his thoughts and feelings until he became comfortable enough to talk to her.

Opal: Outgoing and good with people, she's Mira's and Ontropius' daughter. Due to the closeness of their families, she was able to meet Clair who she took a strong interest in and wanted to get to know him better.

Roxi: She's generally pretty chill to be around and is very protective of her sister, Maya. She's Violet and Ayil's biological daughter from both sides, once again because of amulet Magic. She's lesbian but she hasn't got a partner yet so I can't just casually mention her dating someone of the same gender in this part.

Maya: She's very joyful and talkative but she has to be approached first. Similar to her sister, she doesn't have that much interesting lore surrounding her besides the fact that both of them are friends with Opal and Clair struggles to talk to them.

Byron: A posh guy who thinks he's superior to most, except King Lael II and the rest of Lael's family, because of that, he is prone to using others and committing crimes as he thinks he's entitled to do so. He became a mutant by choice but as he was part of the court, his mutations were covered by a mask and gloves. He took care of the government when Lael went missing before the weakness was exploited by The Midnight Star resulting in a new government being formed, making Sweethill its Capital, whilst the old palace where Lael II used to reside is now mostly left barren with Ontropius guarding the portal located inside and Byron living in the underground tunnels of the palace.